Leaving the phantasmagoric discombobulation of the election, I already told you that the technology in Nigeria for vote counting is the greatest.
A few questions for y'all. Why is it that people after opting out of a relationship still want to express control over who their exs choose to go out with? Why is it that when a lady tells you to leave her alone, deep down within her she really doesn't mean it? Why is it always hard for them to make up their minds and stick to their decisions? EEPROM brains right? Why is it that people that one perceives to be strong-minded are usually the ones that are exactly opposite?
Now you see it, now you don't.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
The more you look the less you see
If anyone expects to spew anything about this past election, I'm happy to inform you that my mouth is sealed. There's virtually nothing to tell. Everything went well just at the President said. It was so free and fair that some candidates' names/pictures weren't put in ballot papers (figure that!).
That day looked like a typical day in the life of Jonas Savimbi. Fear caught me when I saw war-ready red-eyed soldiers that were deployed to man the streets. No hooligan could dare come out & start any form of display or else the life would just be wasted like a match-stick.
On a more serious note, there hasn't been a place where you can see magic/miracles live and for free without subscription than in my great country Nigeria. Though hysterical, this is where Houdini got a PhD in all his tricks from.
That day looked like a typical day in the life of Jonas Savimbi. Fear caught me when I saw war-ready red-eyed soldiers that were deployed to man the streets. No hooligan could dare come out & start any form of display or else the life would just be wasted like a match-stick.
On a more serious note, there hasn't been a place where you can see magic/miracles live and for free without subscription than in my great country Nigeria. Though hysterical, this is where Houdini got a PhD in all his tricks from.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Why the short and ugly are married
I cannot but share this pure truth with everybody. I totally agree with him. I wish our young damsels and Jaguar Nanas who have the whole world in their hands will take heed and make use of this wise advise.
Why the short and ugly are married
by Dele Oluwole
Culled from Nigeria Village Square
This may be thinking aloud, I can not stop trying to reason why the Nigerian ‘Bobo’ end up settling for a girl he ordinarily would not go near at his ‘hay’ days when he was a risk taker, but now want to spend the rest of his life with seeing he has now become a risk averter.
When I look around I see nothing but guys who have settled for girls that they have better looks than, especially my ‘loaded’ friends. Each time I was going to be introduced to my friends’ spouses for the first time I was expecting to meet women of sophistication, elegance, and beauty, but instead at the end of the day the best among them was just okay. Whereas, these are guys that when they were in their ‘hay’ days, what I would call their ‘Shongo ode’ I mean when they painted Akoka and Yabatech red will not even dare to talk to such girls.
The decision to choose a life partner is not for the public to debate on which is why I couldn’t summon courage to ask my friends …… ‘but Bros this is the worst of all the girls I have seen you with’. I remember an experience some seven years ago when some of my friends and I told one of us a Banker that his girl friend then who is now his wife was ugly. He didn’t flair up at us because we were very good friends that can say anything to one another, but calmly he said ‘Dele she’s my choice’, the countenance on his face was that of please stop right there and don’t take this any further. Trust me, I persisted and he simply told me and boasting that in ten years time we should come back to re-evaluate our careers, marriage, and life in general to know who is happiest amongst us all, he further said ‘look I am marrying her for her inner beauty, the happiness and joy she will bring to my life will reflect in my career ……. You wait and see’.
My friend today is not just happily married with two sons but doling well in his career as he is presently a Branch manager of one of the top Banks in Nigeria. His wife has a farm that is doing well too.
Most Nigerian young men are looking beyond the ordinary; they grow to mature with time, to know that not all that glitter is gold. Between the ages of 20 and 28 they are risk takers that will go after the Ginevieves, Daregos, Omotolas, Tokunbos and Biancas. The risk taking is worth it after all as the tall and beautiful girls put them through experiences that become invaluable to them later in life.
I have a six footer friend; we went through the NYSC together somewhere in Northern Nigeria. He did not just paint the ‘Sharia’ city red but was going out with the most beautiful Fulani girl in the petroleum Depot where we served. Every skirt chaser in the depot had his eyes on her; even the depot chief made advances through unsolicited petrol drums and cash yet the girl wanted the young, penniless, and hungry Coper. I remember an instance where one of the lady’s numerous admirers or chasers offered to give her a lift to work, the lady did not just accept the lift but requested that her Coper boy friend come on board. Guess what? They both sat at the back while they were chauffeur driven by the ‘toaster’.
The interesting part of this story is that my then Coper friend despite working in an oil company with plenty ‘ego’ eventually got married to a girl the entire family denounced because of her looks but they are happily married with a kid anyway .
These tall and beautiful girls can not cook because they spent more time before their mirrors than in their mother’s kitchen. Don’t joke with Nigerian man and food. They can not stand hard times because they never had such experience. How can they stand hard times when they are chauffeur driven to school in their fathers’ car, when paid washmen and cooks are at their beck and call?
The Nigerian man aside listening to his Mother’s golden advice when its time to choose a life partner wants a happy home, wants to be in control, wants to be respected, and wants a woman that the entire members of the extended family can relate with. He doesn’t want the woman that will use his monthly package to shop for the likes of lipsticks, G strings, and high heel shoes. He of course doesn’t want to come back home to prepare his own supper. He wants a woman that will instil some level of moral values in his children, how can a woman who has never ironed her father’s shirt or help her Mum in the kitchen instil moral values or bring up her children properly or even iron her husband shirt?
If you meet a depressed man find out if he’s happily married, a depressed man’s productivity at work will be so low that it may reduce the company’s turnover and eventually affect the country’s GDP.
The short and ugly is never a risk taker, she will never gamble with her chances of getting hooked to Mr right as she does not get carried away with the euphoria of beauty like her tall counterpart ‘dongo si lewo or Omo ga’. Any attempt to carry herself unnecessarily too high means she is in her own world. As a teenager she already had her cross staring her in the eyes and carried it with all pleasure. She works hard to become an achiever, little wonder she passes the O’ level and JAMB at a sitting as those dangerous boys neither distract nor have interest in her. She will do well in the University and come out with first class or 2:1 because the campus landlords i.e. the cultists don’t take her precious studying time as they will not want to be associated with her type anyway. She will get the best of jobs because she worked hard to earn her degree grade as she neither bribed her way through nor offered herself on ‘a platter of gold’ to the hyena lecturers. The society sees her as being responsible because she doesn’t wear the offensive tops, the nuclear mini skirts or the ‘help me remove’ tights that I call big baby ‘pampas’.
Finally, she will be attracted to the Nigerian man who has sampled an entire city of tall and beautiful girls because of her high moral values, sensibility, and intelligence. She will be happily married and raise God fearing children ….. and who knows if her husband’s gene is very strong she may end up having kids that will grow up to become tall and beautiful.
At the end of the day who looses? The tall and beautiful who may only get married at 37 or as second wife to the pot-belly Alhaji who junkets around the whole world leaving her at the mercy of her driver or Tailor (‘Obioma’) next door. She can only get married to the man of her dream if only she doesn’t allow her God given beauty to take greater part of her, but will she? As everyone tells her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world, and that she has the nicest legs, dreamy eyes and alabaster skin.
You can not eat your cake and have it. It is either you scarify beauty for good manners or level headedness for an Ahlaji. The choice is yours, but I am lucky to have beauty, level headedness, and brain in my wife.
Why the short and ugly are married
by Dele Oluwole
Culled from Nigeria Village Square
This may be thinking aloud, I can not stop trying to reason why the Nigerian ‘Bobo’ end up settling for a girl he ordinarily would not go near at his ‘hay’ days when he was a risk taker, but now want to spend the rest of his life with seeing he has now become a risk averter.
When I look around I see nothing but guys who have settled for girls that they have better looks than, especially my ‘loaded’ friends. Each time I was going to be introduced to my friends’ spouses for the first time I was expecting to meet women of sophistication, elegance, and beauty, but instead at the end of the day the best among them was just okay. Whereas, these are guys that when they were in their ‘hay’ days, what I would call their ‘Shongo ode’ I mean when they painted Akoka and Yabatech red will not even dare to talk to such girls.
The decision to choose a life partner is not for the public to debate on which is why I couldn’t summon courage to ask my friends …… ‘but Bros this is the worst of all the girls I have seen you with’. I remember an experience some seven years ago when some of my friends and I told one of us a Banker that his girl friend then who is now his wife was ugly. He didn’t flair up at us because we were very good friends that can say anything to one another, but calmly he said ‘Dele she’s my choice’, the countenance on his face was that of please stop right there and don’t take this any further. Trust me, I persisted and he simply told me and boasting that in ten years time we should come back to re-evaluate our careers, marriage, and life in general to know who is happiest amongst us all, he further said ‘look I am marrying her for her inner beauty, the happiness and joy she will bring to my life will reflect in my career ……. You wait and see’.
My friend today is not just happily married with two sons but doling well in his career as he is presently a Branch manager of one of the top Banks in Nigeria. His wife has a farm that is doing well too.
Most Nigerian young men are looking beyond the ordinary; they grow to mature with time, to know that not all that glitter is gold. Between the ages of 20 and 28 they are risk takers that will go after the Ginevieves, Daregos, Omotolas, Tokunbos and Biancas. The risk taking is worth it after all as the tall and beautiful girls put them through experiences that become invaluable to them later in life.
I have a six footer friend; we went through the NYSC together somewhere in Northern Nigeria. He did not just paint the ‘Sharia’ city red but was going out with the most beautiful Fulani girl in the petroleum Depot where we served. Every skirt chaser in the depot had his eyes on her; even the depot chief made advances through unsolicited petrol drums and cash yet the girl wanted the young, penniless, and hungry Coper. I remember an instance where one of the lady’s numerous admirers or chasers offered to give her a lift to work, the lady did not just accept the lift but requested that her Coper boy friend come on board. Guess what? They both sat at the back while they were chauffeur driven by the ‘toaster’.
The interesting part of this story is that my then Coper friend despite working in an oil company with plenty ‘ego’ eventually got married to a girl the entire family denounced because of her looks but they are happily married with a kid anyway .
These tall and beautiful girls can not cook because they spent more time before their mirrors than in their mother’s kitchen. Don’t joke with Nigerian man and food. They can not stand hard times because they never had such experience. How can they stand hard times when they are chauffeur driven to school in their fathers’ car, when paid washmen and cooks are at their beck and call?
The Nigerian man aside listening to his Mother’s golden advice when its time to choose a life partner wants a happy home, wants to be in control, wants to be respected, and wants a woman that the entire members of the extended family can relate with. He doesn’t want the woman that will use his monthly package to shop for the likes of lipsticks, G strings, and high heel shoes. He of course doesn’t want to come back home to prepare his own supper. He wants a woman that will instil some level of moral values in his children, how can a woman who has never ironed her father’s shirt or help her Mum in the kitchen instil moral values or bring up her children properly or even iron her husband shirt?
If you meet a depressed man find out if he’s happily married, a depressed man’s productivity at work will be so low that it may reduce the company’s turnover and eventually affect the country’s GDP.
The short and ugly is never a risk taker, she will never gamble with her chances of getting hooked to Mr right as she does not get carried away with the euphoria of beauty like her tall counterpart ‘dongo si lewo or Omo ga’. Any attempt to carry herself unnecessarily too high means she is in her own world. As a teenager she already had her cross staring her in the eyes and carried it with all pleasure. She works hard to become an achiever, little wonder she passes the O’ level and JAMB at a sitting as those dangerous boys neither distract nor have interest in her. She will do well in the University and come out with first class or 2:1 because the campus landlords i.e. the cultists don’t take her precious studying time as they will not want to be associated with her type anyway. She will get the best of jobs because she worked hard to earn her degree grade as she neither bribed her way through nor offered herself on ‘a platter of gold’ to the hyena lecturers. The society sees her as being responsible because she doesn’t wear the offensive tops, the nuclear mini skirts or the ‘help me remove’ tights that I call big baby ‘pampas’.
Finally, she will be attracted to the Nigerian man who has sampled an entire city of tall and beautiful girls because of her high moral values, sensibility, and intelligence. She will be happily married and raise God fearing children ….. and who knows if her husband’s gene is very strong she may end up having kids that will grow up to become tall and beautiful.
At the end of the day who looses? The tall and beautiful who may only get married at 37 or as second wife to the pot-belly Alhaji who junkets around the whole world leaving her at the mercy of her driver or Tailor (‘Obioma’) next door. She can only get married to the man of her dream if only she doesn’t allow her God given beauty to take greater part of her, but will she? As everyone tells her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world, and that she has the nicest legs, dreamy eyes and alabaster skin.
You can not eat your cake and have it. It is either you scarify beauty for good manners or level headedness for an Ahlaji. The choice is yours, but I am lucky to have beauty, level headedness, and brain in my wife.
Photo speak
The photo speaks for itself.
There is a saying that goes thus - If you want to eat with the devil, your spoon must be long.
Atiku needed a longer spoon.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Only heaven knows who's coming
I've been into many things in recent times. Atimes it's as jammed as not being able to get a horse across the road in Lagos. I can't even say what exactly I have been doing :D. But I've found my edge back after many weeks of a seemingly oblivious state. And I'm eternally grateful to God for that. This kind'a thing happens when you lean so much on a human being.
I've been looking for a way of jump-starting sales of messages preached in church which has been on the downward slope for some time. So I came across this Ipod-like MP4/MP3 player. It didn't take me too long to think of selling players to members and having to transfer messages to their gadgets for a fee comfortably lower than that of a CD. Considering the fact that there's hardly electricity, it's a huge challenge selling anything that has to do with connecting to NEPA. Only a few minutes of charging will do for an MP3 player and you'll be ready to go. I tried downloading podcasts from news sites, thinking if summary of the past week's news is added to church messages members would buy. We might end up adding Desperate housewives and latest MTV hits to boost sales of Pastor's messages.
It's a sure sign that this world is coming to an end, 'cos you have to practically mesmerize church-goers to listen to messages, whereas they don't feel a pinch buying Aki & Pawpaw/Baba Suwe/Night of a thousand laughs (comedians) CDs. Their CD collections are extensive. Ask them for xtian stuffs they have and you can't count up to ten. And these people can dance in church!! You would think some ladies are doing dancing competition for the king to select them.
It's these same holy sisters who give the best heads you can get in town. They can fix a guy up for real and they couple it with being the holiest people in church. I went to church last week after weeks of absence due to tight work schedule and it was like a Martin Scorsese video scene that evening. The ladies in front of me were dancing like their breaths the next hour depended on it. Wriggling their waists and twisting and turning, they would occassionally look at each other in the eye and laugh. Everybody was digging it in the name of the Lord. And then the thought crossed my mind & it felt heavy moving my body. Like a slow motion, I looked round the building. Everybody was busy dancing. Youths took a greater part of the congregation. Ladies spread around pretty well. These same people dancing would bang you wella as long as you aren't a member of their church (at least to conceal their misdeeds) . I just felt cold at that instance. People can be so diabolic! They will be the first to lift up 'holy hands' in church. I just couldn't help but feel like a stranger in the midst of everyone dancing. Only heaven knows who's coming.
It seems to me that we are not any better than our politicians 'cos people possess that damn character that they do; they talk one thing and they do the opposite.
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