Aremu goes to school

Information reaching us has confirmed that President Matthew Okikiolu Olusegun Aremu Obasanjo (GCFR) has re-enrolled to go back to school.
The idea sounds nice, but one disturbing fact there is that he's going to study Diploma in Christian Theology in the School of Arts and Social Sciences. Then one wonders, what exactly does he need that course for? If it was a degree in Economics, then we'll say he needed to learn from the few mistakes he made while in government.
The closest explanation to Mr. Aremu's choice is that he is finally planning to rest from partisan politics. He is going to be an elder statesman who will be armed with diploma in settling disputes amongst ethnics, parties and ideologies.
But can Baba Otta rest after May 29 2007? After allaying every stakeholder who was not in the same class of thinking with him.....
Who is deceiving who?
Obo n gb'obo g'ope (Monkey is helping another monkey climb a tree).

The power of hope

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for - Allan K. Chalmers.

If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea - Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

One characteristic of black people worldwide, especially Nigerians, is that there's always hope somewhere at the back of their minds, even where there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
There's always abundance hope in Nigeria. 'E go better ' is the slogan. And whoever doesn't believe in that is perceived to be demon-possessed and heading towards destruction.
Amidst the 39 sitting 99 standing in the molue, hope is not missen in anyone that things will get better (if not with the nation in general, at least with them).
Amidst those who go through hook & crook means, impersonation (ori-olori), and the determination to get to any land where one can see white men living, the bottomline is that hope resides within them that things will get better and they'll come home one day to become Chiefs, Cash Madams, Owambe peeps et al.
From Chinedu whose father sold all his stock investments for him to travel out, who later couldn't get any better/easier thing to do than to be an Odu boy; Tamuno who's selling groceries in Yokohama; to Loretta from Benin who's in Spain trying to make a living; to Hamza who's packing snow this winter for money, hope is the oil that runs their locomotives.

And hope seems not to have diminished with those that are even at home & aren't successful in finding ways to checking out. A workmate recently narrated a scenario in which he saw a man (probably in his late 50s) went to a young lady who is a lottery agent and sat with her, keenly looking at what she was doing and handing what seems to be no small money over to her. He was PLAYING LOTTERY! His mien expressed statements like 'Better play this well, 'cos I gotta win this one or else all hell will let loose'.
The lottery is fast gaining grounds after the seeming demise of the 'POOL' famous with elderly men because they hardly win.
The pool has now been so modernised that it's called lottery and the draws are even aired on national TV and local stations, some even use mobile phones for playing them.
There are three lottery services with various inspiring tags:
1. National Lottery - Levels go change o
2. Lagos State Lottery - E fit be you o
3. Baba Ijebu - Dapada!

Of all the three lotteries mentioned above, none is as popular, widely accepted and lucrative in Lagos as much as Baba Ijebu. Levels go change o and E fit be you o were tags chosen by their operators. But Dapada! (return it) wasn't picked by the operators of Baba Ijebu (headed by one Chief Kessington), it was christened by locals because of the generous way it blesses those that play it. I can confidently inform you that the volume of transaction of Baba Ijebu is more than 100 million a day (it aint a dream, it's reality).
While others are using sophisticated equipments to run and even have websites, Baba Ijebu is simply local and doesn't require much to run his business. And people are winning LIKE HELL!!
My aunt told me she once saw her friend at a Baba Ijebu kiosk playing lottery who urged her to come and play. Her friend played with N2000! Talk about hope.
If you win, Baba Ijebu doesn't give cheques or redeemable instruments but raw cash, even if it's 4 million. Even the IFAs & WC in Etomi blog are gradually taking to it.

All these are happening when people are finding it hard to get three square meals. Many would rather have two and use money for the third to play Baba Ijebu if he would Dapada!
In a civilized and normal world, lottery is meant to be played with small money. But due to poverty which begets the strong belief in hope and a better tomorrow, many (like that man) prefer to invest heavily in lottery 'cos the money sef no reach do all the things you want do. He that is down needs fear no fall.
HELP!!! Some people are using their dry breads to scoop our soup.

****I've got a business proposal for we bloggers; why not let's put money together to organise another Baba Ijebu kinda lottery in Lagos? The return on investment (ROI) is more than 100% in 6 months. The stats? There are more than 15 million people in Lagos. Furthermore, as long as the Nigerian blood runs in the veins of people residing in Lagos, we'll always make money from them. It's what I call the power of hope.*******

I passed | Get me a gun

I've not been blogging consistently because I was preparing for an exam and reading like no man's business.
Well, there's no need to do that again 'cos I went for the exam today and I PASSED!!!!!! Ope factorial! Now I'm a Microsoft Certified Partner.
This time it won't be funny if I send another certificate again to my employers and they still don't do anything meaningful.
That's when I'm gonna switch to plan B.
Plan B: I've been saving some money to GET ME A GUN and do the needful for those Management guys (bloody baggers!). The issue is that I have to plan it well 'cos I can't take them all out using double barrel or AK47 'cos the rounds won't be enough. So I'm saving more so I can get me a sub-machine gun that'll take them all out at once.








Make una thank God for me o.
So where are the oil companies I've been running after?

Loser!

One of them losers - Atarodo.

All those who stole the nation's money shall not come back again.

Different strokes

In Africa, it's the fight against corruption, poverty, greed and dieseases. In some other places.............

India's Supreme Court is to review the fate of 300 monkeys captured roaming on the streets of the capital, Delhi.
The court had ordered that the monkeys be relocated to forests in central Indian state of Madhya Pradesh.
But the animals are proving unpopular there and locals there have lodged an official objection to the plan.
Thousands of monkeys roam Delhi, mostly around government offices, and are considered a public nuisance.
For years the wild animals have caused havoc, riding on the city's metro trains, roaming through parliament.
They have invaded the prime minister's office and the Defence Ministry, helping themselves to top secret military files.
They cannot be killed because many Indians see them as sacred.
Instead they have been captured, their fate decided by a bench of Supreme Court judges headed by India's Chief Justice.
Some 250 monkeys have already been relocated by a court order to forests in the central Indian state of Madhya Pradesh.
But many people there are now objecting, saying the animals are bringing with them their hooligan habits learnt in the city and are terrorising rural villages.
So the Supreme Court has been asked to find another solution. The monkey menace is proving a tricky issue, exercising some of India's most eminent legal minds.

Damn monkeys disturbing people's lives! Don't these people know that monkey soup is a real delicacy? Ask them 404 people.

From frying pan to fire

It's bad enough that there was a plane crash in Nigeria on sunday, which is definitely a symptom of the dysfunctional avation sector proudly managed by Prof. Babalola Borishade. It's more pathetic that the man has, because of his desire for money, power, fame or God knows what, refused to give up his post thereby causing the loss of the lives of many people.
And it's rather gruesome to exchange his duty with CHIEF FEMI FANI-KAYODE! 8-X. Was the man brought in for damage-control, damage increment or what? He on his own is a one-man squad that can cause catalytic damage. At this time when many of those who lost their loved ones' bloods are boiling, the last thing people need is words from the man's mouth when he's doing what he's known to do best.
In a bid to find someone to barb one's hair when there's no barber, there's no need to drop the gardener who can still do something useful for the farmer who only knows how to use his cutlass to fell trees and shrubs.

It's a true saying that blood is thicker than water. The ties between Borishade and Mr. President is similar to that of David Blunkett and Prime Minister Blair.

Crazy world

What actions do you consider the craziest in the world? How often do you see or hear about crazy actions? Here it's a lot easier to catch glimpse of minutes of madness spread everywhere. Hardly does a day go by without you stopping on your tracks to laugh your heart out. Sometimes the memory lingers on so much that you occasionally burst into laughter at a neutral place long after the event occured.
This is not the first time I'm seeing evidently frustrated bus conductors venting their anger in a most absurd manner that you don't have any other option but to laugh & knock your head with your neighbour's.
Popularly known for their arrogance, tenacity and sheer disrespect, bus conductors are Lords of the Manor in the transportation realm. Small time if they see crowd wating for bus, they automatically change their billing system. Dragging money with agbero nko? That one na story for another day.
Once on my way home from Ikeja, I saw this Danfo bus caught by LASTMA (the over-efficient state traffic control unit). There was a hot argument between the driver+conductor vs LASTMA officials+police ('cos they always have police men with them to help put fear in motorists). The driver had been caught earlier in the day and had been dragged to LASTMA office to pay N5K for traffic offence. He was then allegedly caught at that point to have have breached traffic rule again. In his determination to show them that he wasn't gonna be dragged away again, the guy started removing his clothes. He DIDN'T STOP removing his clothes. When he got to his panties, HE DID THE SAME. He was stark naked (LOL) by the highway. HE didn't even stop arguing. Visibly embarassed, the LASTMA officials had to return his key and let him go.
Yesterday's case is even funnier. This guy had been stopped just before Tai Solarin's statue at Yaba, Psychiatric Hospital at the other side. The heated argument had definitely been a prolonged one. This time around, there were more police men than LASTMA guys (about 6 to 1), and whenever you see this kind'a combination you should know that's BIG trouble. The policemen (evidently happy to find someone who will provide all the money they need for the weekend groove) adamantly refused to listen to the poor conductor. Na so the guy begin commot cloth like person wey just turn mad now now. This one too didn't stop until he was STARK NAKED! He ranted and squealed and wriggled his body like Femi Kuti playing on stage. Ol'boy this scene wasn't easy oh. The policemen didn't even do as if they were aware that he's naked. Then he started bouncing and 'floating like a butterly, stinging like a bee', Mohammed Ali caricature. Na so Brocos just dey jump up and down like when Lagbaja dey ring bell Gbagaun! Gbagaun!! Gbagaun!!!

P.S The camera wasn't working at that point, I for show you the picture

Love wantintin

They say love is blind........

ABIDJAN, Ivory Coast (Reuters) -- Two prisoners in an Ivory Coast jail who courted and fell in love through a peephole in an iron door have been released for a few hours to get married, one of their jailers said Friday.
Roland Guy Bouabre, serving a 3-year sentence for stealing a bicycle, courted Emilie Yobouet, who was given a one-year sentence for kidnapping a child, while he was delivering groceries for her to cook.
He would take the groceries to the iron door and then a guard would deliver them.
"You can find love in all kinds of places -- even prison," Daloa prison guard Norbert Bah told Reuters by telephone.
Yobouet completed her sentence two days after the wedding but brings food to the jail each day to supplement her husband's meager prison diet.

enTAGlement

Na Diamond dash me work oh. All the same, it's all good.

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE

1. Systems Engineer

2. Electrical Draughtsman

3. I.T. Representative

4. One kind work for NEPA/PHCN

FOUR FICTIONAL JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD

1. Programmer in Microsoft Corporation

2. Robotics Engineer in a reputable robotics firm

3. Design Engineer in Sony Corporation

4. A code cracker/hacker/developer at Langley

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN

1. Shawshank redemption

2. Catch me if you can

3. The Last Samurai

4. Conspiracy theory

5. The man in the Iron mask

6. The Bone Collector

7. John Q

8. Oh, I thought you said 40.

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN

1. Lagos

2. Ibadan (hols)

3. City of Ikenne

4. City of Offa

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH

1. The X-files

2. The New Masquerade

3. Fawlty towers

4. Some mothers do have them

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO

1. Ibadan

2. Ogbomoso

3. Ilorin

4. Stockholm (In my dreams)

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY

1. ***.blogspot.com (blogs et al)

2. BBC

3. Guardian Newspaper

4. Slashdot

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS

1. Yam & Fried Eggs. In fact, anything with Fried Eggs

2. King-sized freshly-baked doughnut with sweet jelly inside (on the double)

3. Eba with freshly cooked Okro soup+meat+fish

4. And of course Ijebu Garri (to kan dada)+milk+Milo+groundnut+lil sugar

FOUR THINGS YOU WON'T EAT

1. Cherries - Agbalumo (not even when I'm dead)

2. Plantain chips

3. Boiled meat

4. Guinea fowl egg (looks very scary to me, considering the small size)

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW

1. Original yellow Ogi - Pap ( Mayflower style) with Beans that contains shrimps & squashed croaker fish

2. Hot Amala + Okro soup and FRIED meat/fish

3. Serious Chicken burger ( not one prepared in Mr. Biggs oh!)

4. Garri Ijebu+milk+groundnut+Milo with fried peppered fish.

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM

1. Bed

2. PC

3. Cloth hanger

4. Book cupboard

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM

1. More space

2. High end research lab (yes, right in my bedroom)

3. A God-damn pillow that doesn't make my neck hurt in the morning

4. The Woman

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW

1. Singlet

2. Black trousers

3. I can't tell you the rest, that's a security issue

4.

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW

1. On my bed at home

2. On vacation on that beach they used in The Beach (Leo DiCaprio)

3. Lagoon front, Unilag alone with ____

4. Geneva

FOUR FICTIONAL PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW

1. Eldorado

2. Lagos with some peace and quiet and without power outages

3. Wishing chair

4. Magic carpet

FOUR PEOPLE YOU'D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH

1. Bill Gates - I wanna know how he beat the whole world to it.

2. Bill Clinton - He should give me lessons on how to talk people to submission & friendliness

3. Jesus - I'll ask him how he was able to pull through in this world. Weren't babes as many and foine as the ones we have now present during his time. Man pikin need special anointing oh. Won ti po ju.

4. Sit tight African leaders+old ones who wanna come back - I sure will ask why they want to further impoverish the people and want to die on the throne.

THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW

1. I hope I'm not giving too much information for me to be whacked

2. Why didn't I know it's this stressful to simply do this

3. Somebody has to pay me for this amount of time & energy I'm expending

4. When will my time come? I'm doing so much in order to be successful

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS

1. Shoes

2. My Phone

3. Simply designed T-shirt+ Jeans

4. Music

FOUR PEOPLE YOU TAG

Dem go don tag everybody now! Well sha, make I try.

1. Keshi

2. Trae

3. Christabelle

4. Laide

Take am!

You never start your hand don dey shake. Simply hilarious.

A year and counting

Today, I discovered that I've spent just a couple of days more than a year on blogspot. I must admit that I've met many wonderful people on the web and I've been able to broaden my horizon and learn other people's ideologies & ways of thinking.
I cannot but thank everyone who spend time going through my rants. I really appreciate you all. Those that make it a duty to leave comments, I'm deeply grateful. I cannot thank you all enough for your support, correction & encouragement.
My desire for the blogosphere is have blogs that'll impact people's lives for the positive. Those that will encourage the way people live their lives and encourage togetherness, versatility, success, and above all humour.

The next year promises to be one more humourous and tantalizing. Try sit tight like African leaders & enjoy the ride.

Sayonara

It's necessary to note the good works of people who have refused to remain passive in leadership and in one way or another decided to be instruments for change and better ways of doing things.
On this note I wanna say ou revoir to Baba Fryo himself & Junichiro Presley.











Your great works speak volume & will always live after you.
It's very hard to imagine Baba Iyabo as the Secretary-General of the UN, since he was tussling with Kofi Annan then. How would things be worlwide now? Would everything have become privatised? Abi the war in Iraq wouldn't have started if he was there?

I can only imagine.......

Tables turn

The young man standing laughing
But he knows where the shoe dey pain am so
He no fit do anything today
But one day the tables will turn

The little children on the streets
Are working hard so they can eat
Them no fit do anything but cry
One day the tables will turn

My sister with the sexy eyes
Selling her body so she can eat
She no fit do anything but worry
But one day the tables will turn

....................

The average man doesn't ask for too much
he only wants what you & I want
A safe place to lay his head at night
Is that too much to ask?
.....................

Beautiful Nubia's Tables turn in his new album Fere speaks directly to my spirit. His music raises the hairs on the back of my neck, I still cannot fathom why. I keep feeling like a Gani or something each time I hear him sing.
Frankly, he should be applauded for the soulful music he churns out.

Listen to it.

Only in my homeland

Listening to the radio this evening, I heard an embattled state governor accused of embezzling funds meant for state development quoting from the bible. Ekiti state governor, Ayo Fayose is accused of diverting huge public funds to build houses for himself, his mother and for other personal issues. His aides were once accosted in his presence on their way out of the nation and huge sums of money were found in their bags. His words were as those of one seasoned in the study of the holy book.
He said: "I want them to know that the God I serve would definitely put them to shame because their gathering is not of God and it would be scattered."
Quoting from the bible (only God knows if he knows where it is), he said "Those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. The shall mount up with wings as eagles".
He said he had taken very good care of the legislators more than any other governor in the country, wondering why they decided to collude with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) to get him out of office at all costs.
I remember Alams also saying that God had aided his escape from the UK.
And if these people actually study the holy book as it seems, how come they don't follow the instructions? How come they can easily memorise the verses but fail to live by what they read?
This God must be a very patient God.
It's only in my homeland that you hear of such things happening.

Bomboclart

See me see life oh! I was enjoying myself (working in the office...rather pathetic) this morning, an environmental sanitation morning, busy exchanging text messages with Sunshine (thanks to Globacom who gave us free 35 free text) and this text came in. I picked the phone, hoping to read her next thread and I discovered it's not from her.
Here it goes:
Congratulation! You have won #100,000. Your no. is among the winners of the La Casera drink bonanza. ticket no. 00190. Call 08077240804 to claim your prize.
I was reeling with both laughter & anger at the same time.
Trust me now, it didn't take me time to organise something as solid as a baseball bat to hurl at the jobless farts;
Which Nigerian do you think will fall for such idiotic brilliance? This nation has become too sensitive for you to use such cheap tricks. I suggest you try Ghana. Ode!
I even tried flashing the number so the person can call me back so I can give him the insult of his life/sermon on the mount. He opted wisely, he never called, or hasn't.
There are many hungry people here oh. When we no dey Warri/Prague.
Abi person wey no play lotto fit win am? Bombloclart!

Yeah I got my PC & connection now, so welcome to paradise annex.

You be thief, I no be thief

Chai!! You can't believe the cans of worms that were opened by Mallam Nuhu Ribadu. Massive corruption and embezzlement in a grand scale.
To be sincere, I've always wanted a situation where coruption would be tackled. But I never had any idea that corruption in Nigeria is as immense and mega as it is being unraveled.
Imagine close to N50 BILLION repatriated from the money stolen by Alams!! Agbabiaka oh! In just under about 5yrs of Democratic rule. What if he was ruling in the military junta? And he was the Head of State & not the governor? His looting would have been greater than Abacha's, no doubt.
Then imagine 31 Abacha-like state governors!! More than enough ticks to suck a dog dry of blood. These are not petty thieves oh. They are like zombies appearing at various/different places in the nation. This statistic seems to be staggering, but it seems like there are about 10 thieves to every 8 leaders in the nation.
I wish the penalty could be death by hanging or Jerry Rawlings style we can adopt to deal with these blood-sucking maggots. Then there wouldn't be any leader in Nigeria again, just like there aren't aged people in Ghana.
Now it's time for the argument like Fela sang ;

'You be thief, I no be thief
You be armu robber, I no be armu robber'.

How I wish only two people were alive right now, Tai Solarin & Fela. Even CNN would relocate their head office to Nigeria 'cos there'll be up-to-the-minute news flowing.
After a long while, we all can now sit back & relax to enjoy the nicely spiced cans of worms.

Roforofo fight

Yeah I'm back from the dead.
I've been enjoying every bit of the roforofo fight between our President & his deputy. I never knew mudslinging is this wow. It's simply hilarious. We the people of this great nation have been given the priviledge to learn about all the things that were done in secret.
A new dub has been formed; if you OBJ me I Atiku you!
Some say they are bringing disgrace to the positions they are holding and to the nation. I say do you because of some position let someone who did such dirty things be left alone just like that? You are appointed to such lofty position, you should be ready to account for anything you do while in that position.

Make we left matter, I was surprised to find out in the papers one day that that famous & hugely respected journalist is a member of KGB. I wondered what gave Reuben (you're free to guess, I no tok am) the impetus to boldly express disagreements with top officials of the Nigerian government on the pages of newspapers without thinking about the consequences. Now I realise that that adage that says 'There's someone behind the oracle that gives the Oracle it's sound. I didn't jist you sha oh!

Now to Anita Hogan - the actress that posed nude for whoever the man is (either husband or rich white guy). Some say she should be left alone, some say she's a disgrace to womanhood. I simply say the dirts of every man doesn't trail them anymore, it just boards a bus & overtake them on the way. What do you think of the matter?

And there's a boost to the fight against malaria - DDT has been approved for use by WHO. Now I know that Bill Gates has been anointed to succeed in whatever he does. Focusing on something different from Microsoft must definitely bring results.
Now these useless insects should become extinct by 2015 if our government quickly puts measures in place to implement the use.

Workstralia

Oh no! You guys can't believe it.
I've been posted to a newly created unit where there's no access to the internet. There isn't even a computer yet!!
It feels like hell. I seriously need a pillow.
I think my sins have finally caught up with me.

Not to worry, things will get better.

Talking out of your arse

I sure have seen many people attain political positions without serious academic feats to tally with those highly important posts. The presidency is open to anyone who has a minimum academic credential of primary school certificate. That is why Obasanjo in his early days could open his mouth and say that his fuel doesn't sell for a certain low price, as long as people can buy a bottle of beer for a hundred naira and above, he didn't see any reason why people shouldn't buy a litre of petrol at that price. But Nigerians have seen a more refined Obasanjo. He doesn't dose at venues when he goes on tours anymore.
He wouldn't drink his tea in one gulp anymore when he goes to visit the Queen. He doesn't slap anyone sitting next to him in the arm on occasions when something funny comes up after being corrected by Ali Baba. He doesn't prolong his 3 minutes statement by clearing his throat for 2 mins again. He doesn't poke at his nose with his bare hands when at a UN meeting again. And evidently, his profuse belly has reduced to a size more carriable. Surely Baba has been repackaged.

+ repackaging =

Alaiyemeseigha can blurt out that he sees no reason why his son should be arrested for carrying 50,000 pounds considering his son's status.
Their words can simply be forgiven simply because of one fact - they are politicians/soldiers. They weren't taught to think very deep.
One thing I do not know is if you can become a seasoned journalist without spending many years learning, especially if you report for CNN.

I must admit that Lou Dobbs must have been talking out of his arse for calling America's help to developing nations as 'borrowing to send to lesser souls who are uncomfortably situated in poorer nations that can only aspire to their superpower status'.

No be ya fault, na condition make crayfish bend.

Imagine what weed can do

From

to



Seriously, say NO to drugs.