Take am!

You never start your hand don dey shake. Simply hilarious.

A year and counting

Today, I discovered that I've spent just a couple of days more than a year on blogspot. I must admit that I've met many wonderful people on the web and I've been able to broaden my horizon and learn other people's ideologies & ways of thinking.
I cannot but thank everyone who spend time going through my rants. I really appreciate you all. Those that make it a duty to leave comments, I'm deeply grateful. I cannot thank you all enough for your support, correction & encouragement.
My desire for the blogosphere is have blogs that'll impact people's lives for the positive. Those that will encourage the way people live their lives and encourage togetherness, versatility, success, and above all humour.

The next year promises to be one more humourous and tantalizing. Try sit tight like African leaders & enjoy the ride.

Sayonara

It's necessary to note the good works of people who have refused to remain passive in leadership and in one way or another decided to be instruments for change and better ways of doing things.
On this note I wanna say ou revoir to Baba Fryo himself & Junichiro Presley.











Your great works speak volume & will always live after you.
It's very hard to imagine Baba Iyabo as the Secretary-General of the UN, since he was tussling with Kofi Annan then. How would things be worlwide now? Would everything have become privatised? Abi the war in Iraq wouldn't have started if he was there?

I can only imagine.......

Tables turn

The young man standing laughing
But he knows where the shoe dey pain am so
He no fit do anything today
But one day the tables will turn

The little children on the streets
Are working hard so they can eat
Them no fit do anything but cry
One day the tables will turn

My sister with the sexy eyes
Selling her body so she can eat
She no fit do anything but worry
But one day the tables will turn

....................

The average man doesn't ask for too much
he only wants what you & I want
A safe place to lay his head at night
Is that too much to ask?
.....................

Beautiful Nubia's Tables turn in his new album Fere speaks directly to my spirit. His music raises the hairs on the back of my neck, I still cannot fathom why. I keep feeling like a Gani or something each time I hear him sing.
Frankly, he should be applauded for the soulful music he churns out.

Listen to it.

Only in my homeland

Listening to the radio this evening, I heard an embattled state governor accused of embezzling funds meant for state development quoting from the bible. Ekiti state governor, Ayo Fayose is accused of diverting huge public funds to build houses for himself, his mother and for other personal issues. His aides were once accosted in his presence on their way out of the nation and huge sums of money were found in their bags. His words were as those of one seasoned in the study of the holy book.
He said: "I want them to know that the God I serve would definitely put them to shame because their gathering is not of God and it would be scattered."
Quoting from the bible (only God knows if he knows where it is), he said "Those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. The shall mount up with wings as eagles".
He said he had taken very good care of the legislators more than any other governor in the country, wondering why they decided to collude with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) to get him out of office at all costs.
I remember Alams also saying that God had aided his escape from the UK.
And if these people actually study the holy book as it seems, how come they don't follow the instructions? How come they can easily memorise the verses but fail to live by what they read?
This God must be a very patient God.
It's only in my homeland that you hear of such things happening.

Bomboclart

See me see life oh! I was enjoying myself (working in the office...rather pathetic) this morning, an environmental sanitation morning, busy exchanging text messages with Sunshine (thanks to Globacom who gave us free 35 free text) and this text came in. I picked the phone, hoping to read her next thread and I discovered it's not from her.
Here it goes:
Congratulation! You have won #100,000. Your no. is among the winners of the La Casera drink bonanza. ticket no. 00190. Call 08077240804 to claim your prize.
I was reeling with both laughter & anger at the same time.
Trust me now, it didn't take me time to organise something as solid as a baseball bat to hurl at the jobless farts;
Which Nigerian do you think will fall for such idiotic brilliance? This nation has become too sensitive for you to use such cheap tricks. I suggest you try Ghana. Ode!
I even tried flashing the number so the person can call me back so I can give him the insult of his life/sermon on the mount. He opted wisely, he never called, or hasn't.
There are many hungry people here oh. When we no dey Warri/Prague.
Abi person wey no play lotto fit win am? Bombloclart!

Yeah I got my PC & connection now, so welcome to paradise annex.

You be thief, I no be thief

Chai!! You can't believe the cans of worms that were opened by Mallam Nuhu Ribadu. Massive corruption and embezzlement in a grand scale.
To be sincere, I've always wanted a situation where coruption would be tackled. But I never had any idea that corruption in Nigeria is as immense and mega as it is being unraveled.
Imagine close to N50 BILLION repatriated from the money stolen by Alams!! Agbabiaka oh! In just under about 5yrs of Democratic rule. What if he was ruling in the military junta? And he was the Head of State & not the governor? His looting would have been greater than Abacha's, no doubt.
Then imagine 31 Abacha-like state governors!! More than enough ticks to suck a dog dry of blood. These are not petty thieves oh. They are like zombies appearing at various/different places in the nation. This statistic seems to be staggering, but it seems like there are about 10 thieves to every 8 leaders in the nation.
I wish the penalty could be death by hanging or Jerry Rawlings style we can adopt to deal with these blood-sucking maggots. Then there wouldn't be any leader in Nigeria again, just like there aren't aged people in Ghana.
Now it's time for the argument like Fela sang ;

'You be thief, I no be thief
You be armu robber, I no be armu robber'.

How I wish only two people were alive right now, Tai Solarin & Fela. Even CNN would relocate their head office to Nigeria 'cos there'll be up-to-the-minute news flowing.
After a long while, we all can now sit back & relax to enjoy the nicely spiced cans of worms.

Roforofo fight

Yeah I'm back from the dead.
I've been enjoying every bit of the roforofo fight between our President & his deputy. I never knew mudslinging is this wow. It's simply hilarious. We the people of this great nation have been given the priviledge to learn about all the things that were done in secret.
A new dub has been formed; if you OBJ me I Atiku you!
Some say they are bringing disgrace to the positions they are holding and to the nation. I say do you because of some position let someone who did such dirty things be left alone just like that? You are appointed to such lofty position, you should be ready to account for anything you do while in that position.

Make we left matter, I was surprised to find out in the papers one day that that famous & hugely respected journalist is a member of KGB. I wondered what gave Reuben (you're free to guess, I no tok am) the impetus to boldly express disagreements with top officials of the Nigerian government on the pages of newspapers without thinking about the consequences. Now I realise that that adage that says 'There's someone behind the oracle that gives the Oracle it's sound. I didn't jist you sha oh!

Now to Anita Hogan - the actress that posed nude for whoever the man is (either husband or rich white guy). Some say she should be left alone, some say she's a disgrace to womanhood. I simply say the dirts of every man doesn't trail them anymore, it just boards a bus & overtake them on the way. What do you think of the matter?

And there's a boost to the fight against malaria - DDT has been approved for use by WHO. Now I know that Bill Gates has been anointed to succeed in whatever he does. Focusing on something different from Microsoft must definitely bring results.
Now these useless insects should become extinct by 2015 if our government quickly puts measures in place to implement the use.

Workstralia

Oh no! You guys can't believe it.
I've been posted to a newly created unit where there's no access to the internet. There isn't even a computer yet!!
It feels like hell. I seriously need a pillow.
I think my sins have finally caught up with me.

Not to worry, things will get better.

Talking out of your arse

I sure have seen many people attain political positions without serious academic feats to tally with those highly important posts. The presidency is open to anyone who has a minimum academic credential of primary school certificate. That is why Obasanjo in his early days could open his mouth and say that his fuel doesn't sell for a certain low price, as long as people can buy a bottle of beer for a hundred naira and above, he didn't see any reason why people shouldn't buy a litre of petrol at that price. But Nigerians have seen a more refined Obasanjo. He doesn't dose at venues when he goes on tours anymore.
He wouldn't drink his tea in one gulp anymore when he goes to visit the Queen. He doesn't slap anyone sitting next to him in the arm on occasions when something funny comes up after being corrected by Ali Baba. He doesn't prolong his 3 minutes statement by clearing his throat for 2 mins again. He doesn't poke at his nose with his bare hands when at a UN meeting again. And evidently, his profuse belly has reduced to a size more carriable. Surely Baba has been repackaged.

+ repackaging =

Alaiyemeseigha can blurt out that he sees no reason why his son should be arrested for carrying 50,000 pounds considering his son's status.
Their words can simply be forgiven simply because of one fact - they are politicians/soldiers. They weren't taught to think very deep.
One thing I do not know is if you can become a seasoned journalist without spending many years learning, especially if you report for CNN.

I must admit that Lou Dobbs must have been talking out of his arse for calling America's help to developing nations as 'borrowing to send to lesser souls who are uncomfortably situated in poorer nations that can only aspire to their superpower status'.

No be ya fault, na condition make crayfish bend.

Imagine what weed can do

From

to



Seriously, say NO to drugs.

Plenty nonsense

There are many things going on here. The disappointment there is that 98.5% of them aren't good news.
One was the jist that Funsho Williams, the man who has since wanted to become the governor of Lagos state, was murdered. Then it was confirmed officially that he was slain in his house. The shocker was when I heard his full name : ANTHONY! Olufunsho Williams. I was unhappy with that.
Not that I didn't care at all about someone being killed, I was already expecting that politicians, who by nature don't have the mental capacity to think very far, would start killing themselves like Sicilian mafia. I only knew Funsho Williams to be a very gentle man from far away. I didn't really know what his inner man seemed to be, not nowadays that the most quiet ones (like our VP) are the most gluttonous. But I must admit, he was a gentleman from what most most people saw.
So then I decided to honour him by keeping quiet until he's buried. And he'll be today.
But what baffles me is how those policemen who called their British counterpart to help them by scooping fingerprints at the murder scene will fish out the perpetrators. You gotta have a databank of fingerprints of all Nigerians, if that's too much - Lagosians then, for you to be able to match those scooped. Abi white man don become winch wey dey get people without matching with database? Well, don't let us dishonour funsho's demise.
Adieu Funsho.
Over & out.

Then comes the story of the Bin Laden turned pastor who roasted his church members by fire after charging them with adultery. When God of Elijah refused to send down fire, he organised man-made one to destroy the erring church members.

This pastor caught my attention sometimes ago when I saw the enormous beards he parades and the lavish title ascribed to him: Most Honourable Reverend Doctor Chukwuemeka King. Do you need so many titles to perform your duties? Even the Secretary General of UN doesn't have that! Abi it was God's leading to amass those large beards? Orisirisi dey happen for Lagos oh. If you are a man and are blessed with being hairy, just try join some attachment to it and learn how to shake your body very well & people will visit you, no matter how crude your church setting looks. Just do mysterious things and people will come. You don't even need Juju nowadays, just know how to assess people and psyche them, your church will be filled up in a month. And if you want youths to visit your church, get some texts on motivation and start preaching on better days to come & you'll see ardent youths jump in the congregation shouting 'ride on Pastor'.
This bros no just mercy for those people oh, him roast dem so tey one of dem don die after intensive care.
Plenty nonsense dey happen for hia oh.

Na wah oh

Na wa oh. I heard something very serious.
Got no time. Will gist u guys 2moro.
C ya!

Good riddance to bad rubbish

And there's good news for Nigerian football. The man who didn't know what to say when he was found wanting in his duty when Nigeria didn't qualify for the world cup has just been removed.
Alhaji Ibrahim Galadima had nothing in his head to spew out than to say that the world cup isn't Nigeria's birthright. What a complacent statement! It shouldn't even have come out from the mouth of the NFA chairman. These words totally discredits his job. The top job is also not his birthright.
Thank God he's been booted out now. I'm waiting for Materazzi's spank-in-the-arse by FIFA. Then I'll know that justice always prevails.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.

A legend never dies

Contrary to how negative his actions might be interperted, I do not feel any wrong with what Skipper Zinedine Zidane did. For a man of his nature, Materazzi must have said dome very nasty, unhearable things to Zizzou. You know some Italians have a reputation for spewing out garbage from their mouth. A typical example is Silvio Berlusconi.
They are loose orally.
I only blame Zizzou for putting his bald head close to Materazzi's heart. HE SHOULD HAVE FOCUSED ON HIS HEAD, BUTT THE GUY IN THE NOSE SO HE WON'T FORGET FOREVER!
Whatever happened, Zizzou has not fallen short of being a legend. And he remains one

Aint there no marked one?!

Ever wondered why great things come in small packages? They were actually meant for people like me. ;-)Portable Ladies of average height always catch my attention anytime anyday.
One thing I do not like in a lady is to see any form of incision on her body. Even if it were a miilion naira contract, I would close the damn deal. I hate them diabolics with a passion. You need to see these kinds'a people in church when deliverance service is on - twisting, turning & rolling on the ground. It's frigging scary.
Unfortunately, people see it as a way of life to put incisions on their children's bodies in this part of Africa. They either say it's for spiritual protection or to keep the child from falling sick. Little do they know that it makes people sick of them. Incisions can be made on ANY part of the body. Some are placed just before the hole in the ear, most on the chest and on the arms/wrists.
Mere citing of these small black scars waters me down, no matter how attracted I am to a lady.
Something happened recently that pained me most. First time I set my eyes on this lady, I blamed myself why I didn't wait to see this one before I asked my Sunshine out. I would have had to choose from the varieties on ground - apple juice, mango, pineapple flavour, strawberry et al. Then I summed things up and said if this can't be a lover, then I'll just see if I can put her on the reserve bench. She could just fit in when the regular striker is injured.
She looked so cultured and friendly. Good charisma too.
In short, I've started asking the Lord for forgiveness for the sins I had orchestrated to commit in my heart. She's got the looks to make a man go AWOL! The kind you see walking on the aisle in church and you exclaim HOLY JESUS! while the preacher's preaching. Next time I saw her, she was wearing a V-neck shirt with the upper part of her chest/lower neck bare and DAMN IT!

I could see them. They were about seven. Just like a set of players forming a defensive wall against a freekick. I could see Roberto Carlos at the far left - shorter than the others (not pictured).

I was exasperated. Not a beautiful one like this! It was disappointing.
Why do these dumb people do this to their kids? These people should be shot for devalueing chics. Ain't there no marked ones in Africa?

Enron Founder Dies Before Sentencing

Kenneth L. Lay, the former chairman and chief executive of Enron who was convicted of fraud and conspiracy in the giant energy company's collapse, died at his home in Aspen, Colorado. He was 64. The fraud is considered to be the greatest that happened in recent times.

A spokeswoman for the Lay family, Kelly L. Kimberly, confirmed reports of Mr. Lay's death but declined to discuss specifics. In a prepared statement, Ms. Kimberly said: "Ken Lay passed away early this morning in Aspen. The Lays have a very large family with whom they need to communicate. And out of respect for the family, we will release further details at a later time."
Mr. Lay was convicted in May on six counts of fraud and conspiracy and four counts of bank fraud, and was free on a $5 million bond while awaiting his sentencing, which was scheduled for this fall.
Each count carried a maximum sentence of 5 to 10 years, so he faced the possibility of spending the rest of his life in prison.
The Pitkin County Sheriff's Office said in a statement that an emergency crew was dispatched to Mr. Lay's home at 1:41 a.m.; he was transported to the Aspen Valley Hospital, where he was pronounced dead at 3:11 a.m.
The financial crimes that Mr. Lay and Jeffrey K. Skilling, who succeeded Mr. Lay as chief executive and presided over Enron during its implosion, were convicted of committing came to symbolize the corporate excess and greed of the 1990's. While not as large in dollar terms as the fraud at Worldcom, a telecommunications giant driven to bankruptcy by an accounting scandal in 2002, the crimes of Enron's executives resonated the most in the public mind, and the company's name became synonymous with corporate malfeasance.
Mr. Lay and Mr. Skilling were found by the jury to have lied to investors, employees and regulators so they could disguise the financial weaknesses of their energy empire.
For his part, Mr. Lay always maintained his innocence. On the day of his conviction, he denied having ever done anything improper during his tenure at Enron.
"We believe that God in fact is in control, and indeed he does work all things for good for those who love the Lord," he said outside the courthouse in Houston after the verdict.
Mr. Lay, who was put on trial twice for crimes connected to his tenure at Enron and was convicted both times, insisted that the only fraud at Enron was committed by underlings who stole millions of dollars in secret deals. Unlike Mr. Skilling, he was not charged with insider trading. Mr. Lay has maintained that Andrew S. Fastow, the company's former chief financial officer, bore most of the responsibility for what went wrong at the company.
Mr. Fastow pleaded guilty to conspiracy and agreed to serve 10 years in prison, and other charges against him were dropped, in exchange for his cooperation with prosecutors and testimony in the trials of Mr. Skilling and Mr. Lay.
For his part, Mr. Skilling still faces the possibility of life in prison. He was convicted of 18 counts of fraud and conspiracy and 1 count of insider trading, but acquitted on 9 other counts of insider trading.
Mr. Lay, known for his close ties to President Bush, was Enron's founder and public face. During the 56-day trial that ended in May, he testified on his own behalf, occasionally losing his temper on the stand as he sparred with prosecutors, despite a reputation for coolness under pressure.
He insisted that Enron's collapse was due to a "conspiracy" waged by short sellers, a handful of rogue executives whose activities were unknown to him, and the news media.
As a child growing up in Missouri, Mr. Lay's modest beginnings were a far cry from the extravagance that would define his later years. His luxurious lifestyle became a point of contention in his trial as prosecutors showed the jury examples of his lavish spending.
He was one of three children of a struggling preacher and businessman, and often took odd jobs like baling hay and delivering newspapers to help his family get by. The Lay family was often in and out of financial distress. Omer Lay, Kenneth Lay's father, was a Baptist minister who also tried his hand at a number of other occupations, including running a general store and selling stoves door to door.
At the trial, Mr. Lay defended himself as prosecutors tried to embarrass him by pointing out that he spent $200,000 on a cruise with his wife months before the company collapsed. "We had realized the American dream, and were living a very expensive lifestyle," Mr. Lay said, adding it was "the type of lifestyle where it is difficult to turn off the spigot."

Baba ni yen!

That's my Zizzou!!
I'm just loving every bit of him

Thou preparedst a table before me

I've learnt one thing from the ongoing world cup that I don't think will evaporate from my memory in a very long time. That thing is so great that not knowing it can cripple one's life and make one's work useless at the end of the day.
When a child is being brought up, he/she is taught to work hard and always make sure he/she is alert to make use of opportunities, and most of all aspire big. Many books have been written encouraging people to use their mental faculties to think big and grow rich, be an highflyer in all that one does, always look towards the grass that's always greener in another man's yard. Only a small amount of energy is dissipated in teaching people about the concept of divine timing; when some things will happen at the appropriate time.
Every one of us is living in the microwave world now; everything must be gotten quickly and in the shortest possible time. Biography of the young man whose state of mind & being is controlled by the enticing thoughts of breaking sharp and fast into so great success that he has become something like a prophet whose frame of mind is as unpredictable as an hurricane. Now he's nigh, then he's afar off!
Michael James Owen's career has really blossomed and he should thank God for all that he has been able to achieve. Once he was the wonder kid of England that was very much talked about. He had a wonderful time at at Liverpool. But he always wanted a place where everything was set, only for him to come in and put in small energy for him to outshine.
He left the club that he achieved prominence (Liverpool) for Real Madrid in search of Champion's League trophy. He didn't want to stay there and help them slug it out until they win it. He wanted "though preparedst a table before me" kind'a situation. Just get there and grab the day. There's an addage in my place that says you didn't strike the palmtree with a matchet, neither did you shoot an arrow at the palm gourd storing the palmwine being extracted at the top of the tree, you stand at the bottom mouth agape expecting the gourd to drip. It doesn't freely drip.
Some say it's ironic, some say it's just bad luck, the moment he left Liverpool for Real Madrid was when Liverpool won the Champions League. Real Madrid hasn't won any title since then. Even the league! News that Robinho, the then teenage sensation (though he's not done anything to prove his tag), was on his way to Real Madrid already destabilised Owen. He couldn't just stand ne notion of working to earn a position. He concluded he wasn't gonna be able to grab a permanent shirt there.He immediately wanted to go back home. His excuse this time around is that he wanted to go to the world cup, and to do this he needed to play regular football. He already concluded he wasn't gonna be able to prove his mettle with Robinho's presence. He went to lacklustre Newcastle. Robinho has since not been able to do any magic since he arrived Real.
If not for good old Alan Shearer who was on his way out, he wouldn't have been able to get there. Liverpool didn't wanna take him back.
Do you realise that it's possible that Owen might not win the Champion's League trophy in his entire playing life (Maybe he might if he retires to become a coach)? He wanted to be at the world cup, but he spent only 2 mins, and was stretchered out to be out of action for 5 months. Even if the world cup is suddenly paused and turned to Paraworld cup (just like the Paralympics - a game where paralysed people play football), and all the able-bodied men are sent home to be replaced by physically challenged ones, he'll still not be able to play. This might also be the last world cup for the 26 yrs old striker.

Michael has forgotten that there's divine timing and grace. NOTHING HAPPENS WITH THE EFFORT OF MAN ALONE. If God says you won't get to the other side don't bother climbing the pawpaw tree beside the fence.
The moral is that you can work to make a difference where you are. Change your position to suit your desire and aspiration. Rome wasn't built in a day.If you have read SAME PLACE by Mary Arasanmi, try 2 get it. It's insightful and encouraging.

Que Sera, Sera.

Tribute to Hicham

In my spare time, I like to busy myself by watching sports different from boxing, motor racing, skiing & basketball(yuck! I hate them). Some people have become strong idols who have caught my fancy. But none have thought me so much about dedication, perseverance and focus like the duo of Hicham El Guerrouj and Haile Gebrselassie. And today, it's Hicham's day.
Hicham El Guerrouj is considered as one of the finest runners in the middle distance category. Being the world record holder for 1,500 meters, the mile and 2,000 meters, his records speak volume about him. El Guerrouj became the only middle distance runner to win four consecutive world titles in 1997, 1999, 2001, and 2003.
Born in 1974 in Morocco, Hicham (popularly known as king of the mile) has achieved what many people spend three or four lifetimes achieving. His lessons have been passed across without any duress in transmission; focus on your goal can give you whatever you want (even if you are an African).

This week, Hicham announced his retirement.
God give us grace to run after and achieve what we aspire just like you did.
Thank you Hicham.