Christmas and its worries

Yeah! yeah!! Another week's gone. Xmas is closing in fast.
And it's not coming without it's worries as it usually does. Though my worries aren't like those we used to have long time ago - xmas clothes et al. It has to do with one fellow complaining that the xmas card you gave him is not as fine as the one you gave the other guy. Or even the realisation of the scores of people I haven' given (and dear not do without giving) cards after giving more than three dozens out. And I came to realise how much I'm gonna have to spend on my bday (Dec. 30th), cos I grubbed a lotta bdays this year and my peeps told me they're surely gonna come for return leg. There goes a bite of my resources. Maybe I'll just apply for Owambe loan.

I remember long time ago when different strange n funny incidences occurred around xmas season. There was a time that you don't just go out unprepared (as in you don't just step out without turning on some security faculty in your brain), else you lose ur dick, boobs or even ur balls! For guys who don't wear no panties, you make sure you do security check like every 5 mins to see if ur generator hasn't vanished after a body contact (just about what's needed). The security check is easier with ladies who are quite or grossly endowed in the frontal aspect. Once you discover that your chest is flat, you grab the last person that made body contact with you and scream for help. Heaven could smile on you to get your twins back if you pick the right person.

I remember a story my friend told me (though he was also told the story) long ago about this guy whose dick performed the disappearing act after there was body contact between him and a funny looking guy. He immediately did what everyone had been told by the local TV station - 'Grab the last person that touched you and scream for help'. Immediately, emergency help came form passers-by and the beating began after a short session of story-telling. The beating increased in geometric proportion seconds later when paramedics (those living in the environment) arrived. The magician gave up.
The funny-looking guy knew it would be better for him to own up than to be turned to barbeque on the street in a short while. He later took the poor guy with the missing third leg and a few volunteers to a remote village where those parts that vanish eventually go to rest. It was a ramshackle belonging to an old herbalist. The herbalist was also given a dose of what his messenger had received earlier on. He then led them to a vault containing parts of different shapes and sizes - big, small,round,long, smooth, M,L,XL, you name it. Then the dickless guy was asked to identify his dick amidst the congregation. Could you believe he couldn't identify the stuff he's been using for decades?! He then decided to settle for one he felt was cute (king-size though).
The herbalist did a few stunts and it glued between his legs.
Then came the hour of testing. There was an argument over how he was gonna test and see if his thing was gonna work. And just about that time, the herbalist's beautiful daughter came in.
End of story!