Tales by Firelight

I've given a stern instruction that under no circumstance should anyone wake me while sleeping.
In fact, two of my friends came to fraternize with me yesterday evening. I pulled a bold face at my sister who came to wake me. Her reason for waking me ,"they wouldn't leave when told you were asleep".
I didn't need anyone to wake me when I drifted from sleep to consciousness to hear screaming sounds of people humming, as if round my bed. I had to rise when the noise was too much.
Time check - 1:00 AM. Going outside my house, I discovered that the noise was not from around my bedspace as I had earlier thought, but from the main road.
Still in the mode between drunken-like slumber and full-awakening, I was wondering why for Pete's sake people would be howling so much to disturb other people's sleep. Some neighbours can be loudly loquacious.

But as I gradually drifted into full consciousness, I noticed a bright light glowing. There and
then it occurred to me that it could be calamity that was making people howl and shout on the road at such an ungoldy hour. Everybody was staring at the bright light. I looked up and saw a great conflagration happily envelope a two-storey building four houses away.
Reality check - the house was one of the few houses in the vicinity that can be comfortably termed civilian barracks. The inhabitants of the house should be roughly about 75, not counting those who rented the 3 shops infront.


"Fire!! Fire!!! ", people were shouting. At least I had seen the cause of the noise. I then picked my phone to call the emergency service number Lagos State government provided. I fumbled with the phone and realised I cldn't just remember it. I knew it's a 3 digit number, but I cldn't figure out what it was. After asking a few ppl around who seemed to be too engrossed in scampering, howling about or watching the burning flame like an Indian movie.
I decided to call Glo customer Service.
The outcome was not palatable:
First I had to wait for over 10 mins before a customer care rep would attend to me. The pre-recorded voice kept reminding me that my call was important to them. Glo wished me Happy Easter 40 days after Easter had passed!!
Finally after 13 mins (which was enough to pull down the whole house), a male voice vibrated from the other side. I promptly told him my name and the area I was calling from. I asked for the emergency number for the fire service. He asked me to please hold.
After 2 mins, the voice came online and asked if I wanted the number for making free calls. I went ballistic. I wonder the kind of personnel these
telephone companies employ. I'm sure they are poorly trained if Glo even attempted to train them.
With a salary of over 200,000 a month, you are expected to buy yourself
a tested and working brain at Oyingbo market. Imagine people's labour and hard-work were going up in flames and this young voice had the effrontery to exhibit amnesia.
After some harsh words which I seldom issue, he asked that I please hold.
When I heard a voice, I was very glad it wasn't that of the guy suffering from amnesia. The lady
said they were trying to contact the fire service without any success. She said she would continue trying their number. I thanked her and was about to end the call when I realised that in all that ensued they had not asked about the address of the place burning.
"Oh, what is the address", said the irksome male voice again. I knew it was bad luck to have heard the guys voice again. I agreed with all their watery assurances in order to end the fruitless call and do something useful with the time.
It took the first firetruck 25 mins after I had woken up to arrive.The amount of water that came from the hose was not up to 25 litres. They said they didn't have enough water.


Another 2 firetrucks and water still didn't come out from any hose. It took 20 mins of senseless merry-go-round activities, water finally came out like a child's pee from the hose.
Anyway, the only thing the firemen could do was to prevent the fire which had already razed the 2-storey building and a carpentry shop (whose wood and sawn dust served as fuel) was to prevent it from spreading to other houses. The 2 buildings however were successfully engulfed.

Appreciation
I want to use this medium to thank the dumb customer-service guys at Glo and the waterless fire service for their efforts at ensuring a successful raze of people's fortunes and years of hard labour. May God reward you.
To the State Governor and the Federal Ministry in charge of Fire services, money spent on fire services don't amount to anything if houses get burnt without repression.
To those diverting funds meant for emergency services, get ready to spend those monies on emergencies in your household. May God reward you for the stolen funds abundantly. Eni bimo oran, oran la a ko o.
To those who fold their arms and see funds being misappropriated right under their noses, remember Prof. Adenike Grange. Oye to kan ara Iwo ni, o n bo wa kan ara Ede.

Land of beauty

Land Allocation: Between entitlement and morality
Olugbenga Obasanjo, Oludayo Obasanjo, Iyabo Obasanjo, Oluwasegun Obasanjo, Obasanjo Farms Nigeria Limited, Adeboye Obasanjo, Olusegun Babatunde Obasanjo, Oluwafunke Obihele Obasanjo, Oludare Victor Obasanjo, Obasanjo Olufolake.................

............Ali Rufai, Asia Ahmad El-Rufai, Hadiza Isma El-Rufai, Bashir Ahmad El-Rufai, Ibrahim El-Rufai, Bashir El-Rufai, El-Rufai and Partners, Zainab Rufai, Hauwa Aliyu El-Rufai, Maryam Bashir El-Rufai.....
These names sound so familiar that I wonder why all these relatives cannot come under one umbrella and purchase one big hectare of land.

"Every Nigerian is entitled to a plot of land in Abuja in accordance with the Land Use Act. If you legally apply to AGIS for a plot of land, it is your right to be allocated one. Members of Obasanjo's family and those of El-Rufai's immediate and extended families are Nigerians", were the words of Chief of Staff to the former FCT Minister, Malam Balarabe Lawal. So everyone with the tag 'Obasanjo' at the end of their names have rights to the national cake of Abuja plots? What about the Chxtas and Omodudus, Imnakoya, Emmanuel Oluwatosin and those living in Tudun Wada, Potiskum, Aguleri and Ajegunle? Does it mean we all have rights to lands in Abuja? Will we be allowed to pay what we can afford? Or will we be fended off by exorbitant prices?

The revelations that emanated from the hearing of the Senate Committee on Allocation and Revocation of Plots of Land in Abuja were mouth-opening and jaw-sagging.
Accusations and counter-accusations, we shall see it from a better perspective when El-Rufai testifies at the hearing.

Land of Beauty
Have you been to Lagos recently? Have you toured the different parts of the wonderful city?
Forget what you've heard over the span of your life. What is gonna happen to Lagos over 3yrs will be beyond people's imagination. The beautification project is fast turning the state into a land to behold.
Oshodi, the name that reverberates in one's ears, is soon gonna be an interconnect/hub linking various parts of the state without hitches, traffic and area boys/street urchins.
The governor, Babatunde Raji Fashola, is really doing a great job. Unlike he predecessor who seems to be more of a socializer.
I'm even getting worried about the man oo. I saw him on TV recently and discovered that he has lost so much weight. I hope he's feeling fine o. Isn't this world a kind'a funny place? Those who never have good intentions get to power and increase in size. Only the visioneers lose weight.
Please say a short prayer for Raji.

It's in the blood

I find no other perfect time to relinquish my position of siddon look (sit down and look) than now that I have been able to determine that greed is not a disease fabricated for\ susceptible to gender, literacy or ethnic nationality.
I shoot by starting with the news of the resignation of Prof. Adenike Grange, the health minister, and her subordinate over cases of money-sharing.
Grange: Nice name, nice profile, huge achievements (including thievery). Until her recent under-achievement, I used to view professors as a class of elites who should know better when it comes to looting treasuries, stealing/subverting/diverting public funds and non-implementation of policies that will better the lot of Nigeria. You mean with all the books these people have read, the insightful encounters they must have had in their journey into professorship and meetings with forward-thinking people and the best brains on the earth, professors too can be infected with the virus called greed and thievery?
When Prof. Fabian Osuji was caught, I thought it was just a case of one bad egg amongst many. Little did I know that that infectious disease has also eaten deep into the minds of our intellectuals.
And if our highly esteemed intellectuals and professors can also be thinking of doing away with public funds and sharing of funds allocated to their domots (domains), who will save the nation?
We were saying that it is politicans that are clogs in the wheels of our progress, and we assumed it's definitely because most of them are not well read and have short-cut, Toronto-like certificates. What say we about highly learned intellectuals?

Now I understand that thief na thief, it's not a matter of being male or a politician.
And na person mama be dat oooo.
It definitely runs in the blood.
God bless Nigeria.!!!

Changing times

Haven't you ever wondered how things have changed so much?
Like the calmness and sense of belonging that has crept into people after Abacha was taken away.
Like how male jeans have become so increasingly expensive because ladies have culturally dumped skirts & wrappers.
Like having teenagers and even 10 year-olds infiltrating driveways with their father's cars and rented motorcycles.
Like having xmas and finding out that 85% of meals prepared in houses are rice (be it jollof, fried, etc........same ni).
Like having to see that everybody's aware of sex, even those in elementary school.

All those ones are small sef. I remember when I was growing up that ladies would cry their eyes out when they are getting married. They would weep so much that it's their mothers and fathers who would pacify them and remind them that it's a day of joy and not sorrows.
But nowadays things have changed. Have you seen ladies get married in recent times? They are always ecstatic, overjoyed, overwhelmed with triumph written all over them.
I keep wondering why things are so different nowadays. Some of my friends said that it's because all their strife and struggle will be obliterated because it's been cast upon he who will bear their troubles. That means no more trouble titi lai.
Talk about comprehensive insurance! :D.
Is that NICON or IGI abi na AIG?
What's your take on this?

You lied to me.

It's gradually becoming a norm for those holding public offices to speak from one side of their mouths. I don't know if this is a criteria for a long-lasting reign in power or just some special forces that make you say those things you spoke the exact opposite of in times past.
Cnairman of INEC in Nigeria, Professor Maurice Mmaduakolam Iwu after agreeing that the election wasn't totally perfect and was marred with irregularities, turned 180 degrees around to say that the election he conducted was better than June 12 (considered the freest & fairest in Nigeria's history). Can you beat that? He who says he's cooking yam while the pot contains bricks. And na person papa be dis oo!
Dishonesty and double-face has become the order of the day in politics. I wonder what someone considered so much as an intellectual that he was tagged a Professor is doing in the middle of this huge putrifying carcass called politics.
I think he needs to go back to the University. Students need people to teach them. We don't need to learn from some people's show of double-mouthed abracadabra. Now you see it, now you don't.

VACANCY!

A foremost Political Party in Nigeria, popularly referred to as “The Ruling Party”, requires for immediate appointment into the House of Representatives, a qualified Hooligan with the following professional qualifications:

· First degree in Boxing or Kick boxing.

· A Professional diploma in aggressive cover-up techniques.

· MUST be a duly certified LIAR with vast experience in corrupt practices.

· Must be ready to shun the voices of the People in allegiance to the Party’s wishes.

· Possession of a falsified educational degree will be an added advantage.

Duly qualified candidates should please forward their detailed CV’s to the Party Secretariat.

NB:

Please note that candidates with deadly upper-cuts will be given preference.

The selection process will definitely be biased and open to changes without notice, as this is part of the party policy.

Short listed athletes will be given a course in ‘Political Jargons’ to familiarize them with the language of the tournament.

Honourable combatants

Utter nonsense!

Mourinho gone!!

Isn't this the beginning of the end?
Mourinho gone!
This looks like the end of the world.
Oh Mourinho!
Oh Mourinho!!
Oh Mourinho!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Mourinho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Calling a truce?

He's the National Chairman of the ruling party (PDP) in Nigeria. His controversy-magneting profile is higher than that of Marion Jones or Arthur Nzeribe. Now he says it, later he never even mentioned something close. The chameleon hardly changes colour as much as
Ahmadu Ali changes his stand on issues. Whatever he utters doesn't seem to last long before it becomes 'misquoted', 'misunderstood' or 'misinterpreted'.

Remember the Ali-must-go saga?
‘Ali-Must-Go’ was a cry by Nigerian university students in 1978 when the incumbent National Chairman of PDP was the federal commissioner for education. Ali had then endorsed the use of force by the police against university students protesting the increase of fees and other services on the campuses. Scores of students were killed in the process.


Round umpteen, fight!!
Chief Ahmadu is always at loggerheads with the press, 'cause he's never straight with his word. Even the crowned king of controversies, Frederick Arthur Nzeribe (Igwe Mperempe I), doesn't change his words and stand to tear people who quote him to pieces. He recently entered the usual tumble-and-dry with the press. On getting home, I think his wife(ves) and kids, especially the ones that read blogs and newspapers gave him enough for him to sleep with for a long time and the man gave himself a break. I say kudos to the kids (Barakat, Saminu, Silifatu and whatever their names are) for doing a great job. Like I would always say to people who do weird things, 'Na person papa be dis o' (That's someone's father o).
He therefore wants to call a truce with the press after a long drawn battle.
My question is should the press receive the embrace?
Even if they do, that man has forgotten that there are bloggers abi? He would need to organise a dinner with Nigerian bloggers too, or else his image hasn't left the mud just yet.
Chief Ali, better 'ru ebo alaroka'.

Udoji in Tokyo

Just like many people have been praying for, the heaven's opened in Tokyo and what came down was nothing similar to liquid. For the first time in my life I wish I was Japanese.

Mystery money in Japan appears in mailboxes, falls from sky
TOKYO (AFP) - A mystery gripping Japan over anonymous cash gifts has taken a new twist. For those who want the next batch of giveaways, the place to look is in their mailboxes -- or even right at their feet.

Residents of a apartment building are baffled after a total of 1.81 million yen (15,210 dollars) was found in 18 mailboxes by Saturday, a police spokesman said.

"The money was in identical plain envelopes, which were unsealed and carried no names or messages," the spokesman told AFP.

But residents became "spooked" rather than pleased with the anonymous gifts -- and were too upright to pocket the money secretly.

"Some people initially suspected they were fake bills. When they realised the bills were real, they reported them to us," the spokesman said.

The predominantly middle-class apartment building in Tokyo is not alone. An envelope with one million yen was left in the mailbox of a 31-year-old woman in the western city of Kobe on Wednesday.

Police admit they have no idea who is leaving the cash -- whether a few people are behind the bizarre giveaways or if Japan is witnessing a craze of copycat benevolence.

Since June, dozens of city halls and other public buildings across the country have reported finding neatly packaged envelopes full of cash in men's restrooms.

The bathroom money has come with identical letters asking people to do good deeds -- leading to speculation that the benefactor may be a public servant trying to cheer up his profession or perhaps a member of a new-age religion.

Japanese cash dropoffs are not always so neat.

On Wednesday, bills worth 960,000 yen were inexplicably seen "falling" in front of a convenience store.

"We can just say the money came from the skies," a puzzled police official said. "There were other passers-by outside and customers in the store but the incident caused no confusion," he said.

"People thought it was too eerie to touch."

A man who contacted police saying his daughter had dropped the money had his claim rejected as groundless, the official said.

The largest single dropoff so far was in the ancient city of Kyoto on July 23, astonishing a 67-year-old woman who found an envelope containing 10 million yen of stacked bills in her mailbox.

But mystery money does not always reach police intact.

A woman walking on a bridge over Tokyo's Sumida River told officers that she saw bills falling at her feet from an elevated expressway above on July 6.

She believes 30 to 40 notes fell but police managed to collect only six notes worth 46,000 yen by the time they arrived.

"Some people were picking the money up on the bridge," the Tokyo Shimbun quoted the woman as saying.

No one can say if more people have collected money and not told police.

Media tallies suggest more than four million yen, including some found last year, has been found in the public restrooms.

Dutifully, police are holding most of the money in case the rightful owner eventually decides to reveal their identity.