Same Magic Pills

After the recent demise of Madiba and a careful study of his life and times, I have noticed some strands in his DNA similar to that of Dr. Tai Solarin.
Greatly loved and revered amongst his people, his lifestyle and teachings were unarguably those of someone who possesses a sound mind and has accomplished self-mastery.
After watching the movie Invictus over again, I realised that some of those words Dr. Tai was pumping into our little heads are the same ones Nelson Mandela was poring over and teaching his fellow in-mates at Robben Island.
I can clearly remember singing the wordings of Invictus poem It gives me impetus to dig into my memory and remind myself of the timeless teaching of Dr. Tai.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The celebration of the life of Mandela reflects the exemplary life of Oga Tasere as he was fondly called.

Surely, they were taking the same magic pills.

The Way To My Place

Hi peeps. It's been more than a year since the last post. I must confess it's been a torrid hiatus. I'm glad to inform you that your friendly neighbourhood blogger is back for good. I want to run a series on what I go through trying to reach/leave home at any time. The intention is to raise enough attention and see maybe Commisioner for Works (Obafemi Hamzat) or that of Environment (Tunji Bello), Gov. Fashola, Uncle Jona or even Barack Obama will do something about it. Maybe I'll eventually be as lucky as Reuben Abati and get my share of the national cake.

So it's back to dusting the books and find out where the ink is. Let's see how things go.

Goodluck Nigeria

Hilarious

MILITO – 30 GOALS	OBAFEMI MARTINS - 5 GOALS
MESSI – 47 GOALS	YAKUBU AIYEGBENI - 3 GOALS
TEVEZ – 29 GOALS	OBASI OGBUKE - 4 GOALS
HIGUAIN – 27 GOALS	IK UCHE - 0 GOALS
KUN AGUERO – 20 GOALS	KALU UCHE - 3 GOALS
ANGELO di MARIA- 18 GOALS	OBINNA NSOFOR - 1 GOAL
TOTAL = 171GOALS THIS SEASON ALONE	TOTAL = 16 GOALS THIS SEASON (SUPER EAGLES INDEED)

We have Yobo and Shittu in our central defence, Taye on the left, who go play right sef? We go take God block right.
Poor you 'Enyeama' on June 12 again!!!

Oh God we look onto thee for deliverance, for these our enemies are mightier than we are…

Twin brothers with different surnames - Only in Naija

Have you ever heard of an instance when twin brothers bear different surnames?

It's only The Guardian in Nigeria you'll get that kind of exlclusive info.

Check out the names underlined in red.

Our God, our help in ages past

I woke up this morning and this hymn pierced through my memory:

Our God, our help in ages past,

Our hope for years to come,

Our shelter from the stormy blast,

And our eternal home.

Under the shadow of Thy throne

Thy saints have dwelt secure;

Sufficient is Thine arm alone,

And our defense is sure.

Before the hills in order stood,

Or earth received her frame,

From everlasting Thou art God,

To endless years the same.

Thy Word commands our flesh to dust,

“Return, ye sons of men:”

All nations rose from earth at first,

And turn to earth again.

A thousand ages in Thy sight

Are like an evening gone;

Short as the watch that ends the night

Before the rising sun.

The busy tribes of flesh and blood,

With all their lives and cares,

Are carried downwards by the flood,

And lost in following years.

Time, like an ever rolling stream,

Bears all its sons away;

They fly, forgotten, as a dream

Dies at the opening day.

Like flowery fields the nations stand

Pleased with the morning light;

The flowers beneath the mower’s hand

Lie withering ere ‘tis night.

Our God, our help in ages past,

Our hope for years to come,

Be Thou our guard while troubles last,

And our eternal home.

By the way, it's my birthday.

Celebrate with me.

Encapsulated

At times when I think of what my work does to me and my blog, it makes me feel like ........

FBI Recruitment

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of The men to a large metal door and handed Him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could Never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man For this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was Quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, But I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don't Have what it takes.
Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the Same instructions, to kill her husband.
She took the Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one After another.

They heard screaming, crashing, Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was Quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said.
'I had to Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

Mumu Of The Highest Order

Imagine a real, true-life mumu in jail?

Escapee caught creeping into jail

Jail guards in the US state of Georgia searching for an escaped inmate did not have to look very far - the fugitive was caught sneaking back into prison.

Guards spotted Harry Jackson, 25, trying to creep back in with 14 packs of cigarettes allegedly stolen from a nearby store.

The alarm had been raised earlier after a jail door was found unlocked.

He had opened a door to the exercise yard and climbed an outer fence to get away, Sheriff Tommy Gregory said.

Jackson now faces new charges of breaking out of prison and burglary, reported AP news agency.

He was in jail in Woodbine, Camden County, on charges including possession of a controlled substance and violating probation

Financial Meltdown In The Family

FROM: FATHER
TO: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES
SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN

Unavoidably, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and, under no circumstance is any violation allowed.
1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request.
2. Breakfast is banned. This matter is not for discussion.
3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such food, must write to Me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving convincing nutritional reasons backed by a qualified dietician.
4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.
5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.
6. Security lights are being removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.
7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.
8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from The House.
9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The House, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).
10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay home. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away upon arrival.

THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER.

Political Phantasmagoria

The recent news that the Nigerian President has announced pay cut for all politically-appointed office holders is highly commendable.
Now to face the facts, everyone in the nation (even little kids in creche) know that salaries to these people don't add up to 10% of their earnings/emoluments/egunjes/erans/greases. So who dey lie dash who?
Even with the pay cut, being a Minister in Nigeria automatically makes one an instant billionaire. The structure in place enables this at the expense of the nation and development of critical infrastructure. Except that is addressed, cutting pays will only amount to trying to catch up with Haile Gebrselassie while running on a threadmill.
The fig. below says it all.

An educative write-up on it can be found here.

FOOLS' PARADISE

FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY

In Florida , an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel
declaring, “Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant." The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."



The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
This is too good not to forward.

It's My Birthday

Yaaaaaaaay!!!!
I just got double for my trouble.
I guess it won't do any harm to put aside pertinent issues like Lassana Conte, Ribadu's removal and Uncle Bob De La Zim and celebrate.
I feel good!

Dora In The Hood

Pro 4:18 But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.

The recent appointment of Prof. Dora Nkem Akunyili as a minister has shown that a golden egg has no hiding place.
Her speech after the swearing-in pontificates her ability to perform. She was not just discouraged about the fact that she was assigned to Information and Communication. She made it clear that nothing can be done without God. She mentioned God five times in the speech.
It really doesn't matter where a performer is placed, they make the best out of all situation.

Now I know that Mr, Yardy's whereabouts won't be a problem anymore.

To Protect And To Serve

In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in Nigeria, The president narrowed the field to three finalists: the SSS, the Army, and the Nigerian Police force. The three contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The SSS went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plants and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The Army went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.


The Nigerian police went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten hyena . The hyena was yelling, " Okay, Okay, I agree, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

If America Was Nigeria

If USA was Nigeria, the papers' Headlines after the election would read something's like:

• Don't celebrate yet, McCain tells Obama (TELL magazine)
• Concede defeat, Obama urges McCain (Punch Newspaper)
• 20 opposition cadres riot (The Sun Newspaper)
• McCain Demands Vote Recount (Vanguard Newspaper)
• Elections rigged - Palin (Guardian Newspaper)
• No evidence of manipulation (NTA News)
• The Church declares elections free and fair (News Line)
• There will be violence if we lose; McCain declares (LTV 8 news)
• Election results for Arizona,Florida,New York awaited (Channels News)
• Trucks with suspected ballot papers crosses into USA from Mexico (Tribune Newspaper)
• "McCain is an opportunist - Go back to your farm" says Biden(AIT News)
• I will not accept results, McCain tells Obama (MITV News)
• Democratic Party will rule the USA for the next 100 years - Clinton Declares (ThisDay Newspaper
• Area Boys 20 killed, 30 injured at New Jersey Polling Booth )(Daily Mirror)
• Obama: 'I will soon roll out timetable for Royal Blessings'(PM News)
• Several Ballot Boxes Missing at Phoenix, handwork of 'Obama Boys' - Republican Party(Ogtv News)
• Heavy Security at INEC H/quarter, Commissioners flee. (Newswatch Magazine)
• $900million for Feeding and Wardrobe Allowances for Obama's Daughters Justified (Presidential Spokeperson)
• IJA SESE BERE NI – McCAIN SO FUN OBAMA (ALAROYE MAGAZINE)
• MIO NI GBA O!! - McCAIN (Akede Agbaye)

Scoundrels In Uniform

It will be irresponsible to overlook a happening as the walloping of Miss Uzoma Okere by aides of Rear Admiral Harry Arogundade.
This brings to the fore the nature of military officers our great nation is producing. It is true that Nigeria has spent a long time under military rule, but isn't 9yrs long enough to decouple wanton disregard for the rights of the citizens they are meant to be protecting from the minds of our military men?
Is military insensitivity a function of greed and corruption that we all say is the major blood-sucking demon affecting our nation?
Is it that our military men have been shielded from the real world of democracy and rule of law in the past 9yrs of democracy? Do our military men vote at all? Do they have tax directly deducted from their incomes? Do they feel the pinch of underdevelopment and bad roads which lead to decaying traffic situation?
Of all the heat that has been generated by the instance, one thing that is pertinent to note is that there are different worlds lived Nigeria. The world that a military man lives in is totally different from that which a 'bloody civilian' lives. Though it is right to honour our military, I think the handshake has moved beyond the elbow. You need to see these people when they are driving on the road. They do not only beat up Danfo drivers (which I consider quite cool 'cos of the wiring of their brains), they mete out punishment on innocent citizens that cross their path or do not give them space. I witnessed one event that the staff bus driver of a company was dragged out, beaten and almost bundled into their car because he swerved from where he parked and ALMOST hit an uncoming military car. The old man couldn't have been less than 62 years.
In every developed country, the level is plain. They live in the same world. The affluent live in the same country as the middle class and the military. The citizens whose taxes are used to run the military are appreciated more because they all feel the pinch when there are issues.
I wish to reiterate that worlds exist in our great nation. These worlds are not only sound-proof, they are totally segregated and alienated.
Without these worlds being unified, those who do not feel any pinch would continue to rule other worlds with no iota of care & respect.

Kudos
A few people should be given kudos for pitching their tents at the right places without taking sides:
- Air Marshal Paul Dike for using his aide, Col. Chris Jemitola to arrange a beautifully written three-paragraph statement. The words in it are unarguably very hard for military men to compose. I wish to ask Air Mashal Dike to please encourage his people to be given the same training he had that brought about such insightful writing.
- Real Women Foundation & Mrs. Nike Adeyemi for standing in support and canvassing for justice for Uzoma.
- Uzoma (the victim) for not listening to her father and not letting the matter pass.
- President Yardy for saying something about it.

The President's Men

I've always said that you cannot give what you don't have. Remember Yardy & Channels? The oil that flows from Aaron's head flows to the beard and to other parts.
Like father like son o jare.

Defecating In A Holy Place

Have you ever seen anyone fart from the mouth? Well guess what, someone just did. It's even baffling that a Professor of Pharmacognosy (study of medicines derived from natural sources) from nobody-knows-where achieved such a shitty feat.
How can you say that the US should come & learn how to conduct elections from Nigeria? I've always said it that he is an invalid for that job, especially for 2011.



For a man who once claimed that he had found cure for Ebola virus, nothing less can be expected.
Uncle Morris, you shit for church take bible clean yansh!


See here.

Dipped

This is what happens when you dip your hands in shit. I pity the guy.

A passenger on a French train had to be rescued by firemen after having his arm sucked down the on-board toilet.

The 26-year-old victim was trapped when he tried to fish out his mobile phone, which had fallen into the toilet bowl, and fell foul of the suction system.

The high-speed TGV train had to stop for two hours while firemen cut through the train's pipework.

The man was carried away by emergency services, with the toilet still attached to his arm.

"He came out on a stretcher, with his hand still jammed in the toilet bowl, which they had to saw clean off," said Benoit Gigou, a witness to the man's plight.

The incident happened on Sunday evening, aboard a train travelling in western France between La Rochelle and Paris

Not In The Place I'm From - 9ja For Life

Skimming through my RSS reader this morning (God bless Omea for me), I came across something that sounds rather strange.
A stockbroker in India's financial capital, Mumbai, killed himself after strangling his pregnant wife because of the economic slowdown, police say. [See here]
Not even Tsunami can cause Nigerians to die unwillingly. Nigerians never have the will to die. The Nigerian brand has a lot to do with resilience and perseverance.
We all know that if the highly respected Thabo Mbeki was a Nigerian, he wouldn't have given up power at all (cue from OBJ's first tenure). Have you ever imagined where he would be if Nelson Mandela is a Nigerian. Him go just kak for throne there.
There's a belief that Bob Mugabe's parents are from Warri. He's really showing the traits because 'Warri boy no dey carry last, lailai!!'.

I'm also 100% certain that the Chinese milk that was reported tainted, which killed babies and made 94,000 of them sick must have gotten into 9ja. But all 9ja children have been genetically doped with an immune DNA substance called ODIESHI-RIBONUCLEIC ACID (ONA). Abi did anyone hear any news that a Nigerian child was stooling as a result of the milk drank? See Fig below.




Respect to the Nigerian people. Stronger than diamond. Pako to the core. Even the ajebo Nigerian abroad is stronger than the ajepako of the west.

The Chef Who Had Ulcer

"Bonny Island plant, the third world’s largest, supplies gas to mostly European customers including Gas Natural of Spain, BOTAS of Turkey, Gaz de France and TRANSGAS of Portugal, with the biggest being the Italian electric power giant ENEL, which agreed to buy 3.5 billion cubic metres (bcm) per year of LNG for over 22 years".......writes ThisDay newspaper.

All my life, I have never come across a thin chef. Oga Elias, while I was in Mayflower, had a belly bigger than that of a woman pregnant with triplets.

In a country that there is arguably no gas to power turbines to be used for power projects, it is really sad. How can a cattle herdsman after breeding from calf to cattle decide to sell all his animals while his family is hungry without meat to eat?
The summary of the story is that the Bonny Island project, that is supposed to provide gas, was designed and contracted to give ALL of its produce to gas companies in Europe for more than a decade while Nigeria languishes in darkness.
One of the issues to be raised here is that what were those who approved the project thinking? The project was conceived about 13 years ago, that should be around the time -Oh My God! - Abacha was there. Who was the minister for petroleum then? Inserts needed please.
Between then and the time OBJ was petroleum minister, some people stupidly gave out all our gas to European companies.
My question is not why people would do that, because it mos def was for kickbacks and Ghana-Must-Go (GMG). Since it is a constant (I can bet grandma's grave on it - bless her soul) that they would have gotten GMGs for the project, either giving the whole produce to the European companies or leaving some for Nigeria to use, why not choose the latter?
This really baffles and scares me because the act does not show only greed at work, there is a devilish characteristic displayed in the act. If you sell part you get GMG, if you sell all you get GMG. So why not sell part, get rich and let the nation move forward? Wouldn't that be a win-win scenario?
It is therefore evident that some people in this great nation of ours;
(1) Want to get rich by collecting GMGs
(2) Also want to make sure that Nigeria gets poorer as they do (1) above.

Such acts should be considered graver than the treason charges on Henry Okah. These are acts that should be taken with serious concern. Financial crime institutions should be biting at this with a great zeal. Some people don't just want to make their gains at the expense of Nigeria. The leeches wan't to suck the whole Nigerian blood with the aim of killing the unperturbed dog.
President Yardy correctly refused to grant approval for the production and shipment of Liquefied Natural Gas.

The true Patriot
Basil Omiyi, Shell's first Nigerian MD, was quoted "government should learn how to respect long term agreements, irrespective of the personality who signed them".
Reality check
Is Basil Efoise Omiyi a Nigerian? Yes.
Is He from Niger-Delta? Yes.
Does he live in Nigeria? Are his father, mother, children, brothers, sisters, cousins and friends Nigerians? Hell Yes!!

What his statement above means is that as the MD of SPDC he was aware of the project details and did not have any milk of Nigerian kindness flowing in him. He did not see anything wrong with the company he works for milking his nation dry as long as he earns his daily bread. Being a christian, his bible correctly has the book of Matthew in it, whose verse 11 of chapter 6 states that 'Give us this day our daily bread'. It is but strange, and should be concluded that verse 13 is missing from the chapter. What version of the bible does he read? King Shell Version (KSV)?
Na person papa be this ooo.

I want to believe that militants do not read papers. They do not have a direct understansing of who their enemies are. They are like the son who gave his mother poison to eat because he believes that she is the author of his bad luck.