It's my birthday

Rejoice with me once again, it's my birthday .I shaln't be blogging tomorrow so I'd rather do it today.
When i wake up in the morning, I shall be a year older.

Merry xmas

I love to wish everyone, including the haters, a big fat merry xmas (on the double) and a wonderfully prosperous new year.

2007 is a year to look forward to. There'll definitely be many wonderful things to happen in the new year. So to those that have lost hope, I say do not despair. Change is coming. To those who didn't really hit it hard, there's greater grace to do more next year. To those who had something big happen for them this year (una sabi una self), I say this year will pause and not end until you wash it for us.
For those who thought we won't amount to nothing, I say they shall open their eyes and see the wonders of the Lord. Kekere na him u don see, thou shalt be flabbergasted when the blessings of the Lord comes upon us like the rushing of the winds.
To those who saw some red eyes and didn't get the best of friendship, I say 'Shit happens'.
For those that used our services and didn't reciprocate financially, ALAWIN NIYIN (bloody creditors)!
And to everyone, gear up for the coming year 'cos ya ain't seen nothing yet!

A special prayer for Bukky's mum that she shall rise on her feet and be made whole in the coming year. Godstrength!

You are all invited to my birthday which I shall be celebrating on Dec. 30th. Of course rice & stew shall be very plenty.

MIxed feelings

Hey all! How's it going? Prepared for xmas? It should a fun one.
I'm getting mixed feelings this year as xmas is approaching. While some issues are interesting some people are just killjoys.
As accepted globally, good news first so you be able to suck the bad news in after that.
I never knew I was such a Chelsea fan until Man. Utd dropped to 2 points above Chelsea. What a sigh of relief I gave. Boy was I glad! It was like getting something bothering your mind fixed. Now we can pump up the volume and ensure Alex Ferguson retires on this one. Way to go Jose!

Now for the not-so-nice one. You know some people are just a pain in the butt for no just reason. Haven't you seen some people be a worry to your life sha? That's why no matter how some people thrive at success, they'll never hit it (no swearing, it's the truth) cos they've always been problems to others. Some of those guys I wanted to get a gun for that many were pleading on their behalf have started again o! I wonder how one person can leave the unrestricted enjoyment and affluence attached to his post high up and start disturbing up-coming big boys (like a frend will call it). The guy just want spoil xmas for me o.
Imagine when Lagos turned to Paris with shows everywhere and at every weekend, they dont want me to enjoy my life. A life that I tried very hard building well this year. The devil is a liar! Wait till I speak with Baba loke to scatter their plans by fire.

How are you gonna spend your xmas? I've already told myself that this xmas is going to be a quiet one for me. No visiting anybody this year. I'll just stay at home & enjoy the holidays. I think it's time to design one's life to please oneself henceforth 'cos there's only one life to live. I'm gonna start treating myself like a royalty henceforth. I aint gonna kill myself on any work. It's either I take my time doing the work or I just leave it. I've learnt that life isn't worth the gragra. So this holiday, either I'm scheduled to be in the office or not I'm going AWOL and there's nothing anybody can do about that. A colleague was buried recently and the best they could do was to give him a minute silence. Upon all his hard work o!
For those not coming home, they are gonna miss a LOT! It's gonna be wow xmas in Lagos with all these preps i'm seeing.

The year is coming to an end & I'm seriously thinking about drawing up plans & resolutions (been a long time I did that). I think it's time I move on up. You know what I'm saying?! It's about time I became responsible. Now isn't that hard?

***** I think we need to form an alliance & sue blogger.com with all these abnormalties o. One cannot even sign in at once sometimes, even to post pictures self na wahala! Sorry Nila & Keshi, maybe I'll send you the picture*****

Some things need a woman's touch

Duhhh......Can that be true? Click on the pic.

Reminiscence

Sitting at home for a huge part of the day has made me realise how much christmas is in the air. The T.V was just blaring with songs of xmas, station after station. I didn't realise that xmas has come so close until that moment.
There and then I started have nostalgic feelings about my 'kid old days'. A great flush of smile painted the horizon of my face. All the songs sang brought back rich memories of very naughty and funny past.
A few of us formed a cartel then that was very good at twisting just about any song and placing the remix in a very wonderful form that they would be hard to differentiate from their originals. We also learned many from God-knows-where.
I remember singing many of those songs so much that I forgot once that I was at home in the presence of my mum when the urge to sing fell on me. I burst into:

Jingle bell jingle bell jingle all the way
Babangida open yash
Everybody shout 'O n run'
Jingle bell jingle bell jingle all the way
Babangida open yash
Everybody shout

Mum immediately shouted the song back to where it was coming from.
Is that the song they are teaching you in Grace that we pay so much for? I'm going to complain to your teachers that they aren't teaching you the right songs.

I was just looking at her and thinking within myself that that was the only song she heard and she had started complaining. What if I then sang a couple of our cartel-remix for her wetin go happen?

I digress....

I remembered many also and the vivid pictures of my young friends came alive in my head:

Iya Dele ti se'be /2ce
Ebi n pa wa
Awa fe je'yan
Iya Dele ti se'be.

It's an adaptation for 'We are H-A-P-P-Y..........'

And this one:

Wherever you go
(Go-go-gon-go!)
Wherever you be
(Sisi eko!)
Do not say yes
When you mean to say no
(Baba Ibadan!)

Whatever we did, we never sang to the hearing of Mrs. Osinowo 'cos she would practically slap the taste out of our mouths. If it was Mr Natnah (we used to call him Ninety-nine), Mr. Zubair (Suberu) or Mr. Ablodepee - I no sabi the spelling jare!( A-bloody-fool was closest to our reasoning). If it was Mr Aful that caught us, then we autopsy would have officially confirmed us dead. All those Ghanian teaches were both funny and weird somehow. I remember the music teacher - Mr. Devor (we used to call him devil 'cos he REALLY looked like the devil himself). I loved music so much, but I couldn't let the devil hold my hands to teach me to play the piano.

I wonder where the likes of Nike Oyediran, Kunle Odekoya, Dennis Adetoye, Tope Shokunbi, Tope Osinubi, Maria Alege, Steve Nmecha, Ikeri Enyinna, Chimezie Onuegbu, Ndubisi Chidebelu, Nike Laoye, Demola Ajayi et al will be at the moment. Possibly married with rugrats and all other entanglements of life.
Or they could be reminiscing just as I am right now.............

How often do you think about your childhood days? Do you get smiles written across your face? What funny/twisted songs do you remember?

No condition is permanent

No way for IBB, says the guys in PDP.
One's own pill must be very bitter. The same big hammer which he was holding only years ago is being used this time on him. Tables have turned.
Now I truly know that no condition is permanent.

IBB collected his retirement benefits while in office and used it.

But who will pet Ibrahim to stop licking his wounds? I guess Mariam should do that well for us.

Presidential meal

Now I know why politicians steal money; their meal ticket at Chicken Republic is higher than that of voters.
Imagine Presidental meal is N2050 when voters meal is N1050.

Lol.

House of humour II

So continuing on the funny side of these leaders. Let me pounce on Jigawa State governor, Saminu Turaki: They say that one stays permanently overseas. The only time he visits his state is when revenue allocation is to be shared so that ha can come and claim his state's share, and when he's on holidays. That means he works abroad permanently. I got to know him during his first term, he was always talking about ICT passionately as if his state was a Silicon Valley. The state is so arid and dry that you begin to wonder where the man got the goggles which he's using for his vision from. His goggles seem to be one stronger than Abe Lincoln's o! He's not even talking about mechanized farming to increase crop yield and boost production or even solar energy generation in a state where the sun is like 100 ft above. Who will leave developed states to start business in a state where there isn't the basic amenities to encourage dwelling and even trade? White men don wash him brain comot. You all know Alams' case, so there's no use repeating old story. Ogun state governor stole so much money during the Gateway games that the President has advised him not to run for second term in his best interest. Gbenga Daniels is known for embracing the press to open the state of things in his state. When the can of worms was opened, we couldn't believe how the governor managed to deceive everybody (including himself) that everything was runnign smoothly. His problem started when he slapped (yes you read well, slapped!!) one of his commisioners who's been helping him day-in day out. People never learn from history, wasn't it the same problem that Tafa balogun had? Temporary governor of Oyo state nko? That one na yellow fever (remember Fela's song?). He bleached every part of his body (including his eyes) and looks like a premature albino. Nothing short of an Area Father, he cannot distinctly express himself in English, especially when engaged in a hot discussion. The man would just switch to SOLID ogbomoso dialect and keep ranting. And this is the man in charge of the coffers of the state?! When I heard what Nuhu Ribadu said about the governor of Zamfara state, I laughed till I pissed. He said sebi people are stealing cows and bicycles in his state and they are cutting their hands, if he opens the different scams and wanton looting of the state treasury that Ahmed Yerima has engaged in, he would be chopped into tiny pieces like suya. Remember it's Yerima's son that dashed out cars to musicians for singing his praise when development is beckoning. And Yerima wants to become president oh. In fact, these people are too nauseating. God help Nigeria!

House of humour

My people, these leaders can make you laugh until you start having heart pain. What else will you get when the structure of partisan politics only allows hooligans (who are worse than British football fans) attain elective positions?
I hear that the poultry scam (which blew open Fayose's butts) is a very funy one. Sit back make I jist you:
Fayose invited President Obasanjo to come inaugurate the N1.3 BILLION (not million o!) poultry farm. When Baba got there, he asked how come the poultry was so neat that the place wasn't smelling at all (abi chicken no dey shit again?). Replying dumbly, Fayose told Mr. President that it was the sophisticated fumigation and different chemicals applied by the white experts that made the place so neat. It was confirmed that Fayose went TO RENT CHICKENS in order to open the poultry. Haba, after collecting N1.3 Billion, you can't spend at most N1 million buying the chickens!
And he was so dumb that it was a practising professional farmer that he called to inaugurate the farm.

I shall continue with more humourous jists in Part II.

A plus for anti-corruption

I've been hearing of corrupt leaders from external bodies, but the case of Abubakar Audu is one very familiar to me. Reliable sources confirm how backward his thinking was when he was ruling Kogi state in Nigeria before PDP took over his second term (thank God for that).
My colleagues told me that then in Lokoja, you needn't do any work at all. Just wake up in the morning and go visit the state governor in his quarters. You might have to wait for 3hrs before he attends to you but it's worth it. Once he comes out, people start singing his praise and counting the good things he's done. That's all that is needed for him to start 'blessing your life'.
They say he personally hands cash gifts to everyone that comes to 'visit' him and praise him (sometimes as much as N50,000 each) EVERYDAY!
I'm so glad to hear that EFCC has nabbed him. He was arrainged in court in his own state yesterday. This should teach his fellow gluttons some lesson.

Ere gele - Dangerous games

It often baffles me how far people will go endangering their lives in the name of making ends meet.
This man should have learned from Steve Irwin. The most people can do when you die is to organise a befitting burial, dedicate a week (at most) to you and pack your grave full of roses. Shikena! After that, life goes on as if nothing happened.
He can go and become snake king in heaven.

Bite kills Malaysia 'Snake King'

A snake charmer who made a name for himself as Malaysia's Snake King has died after being bitten by a king cobra.
Ali Khan Samsudin, 48, had entered the record books for locking himself in small spaces with hundreds of snakes or scorpions for days at a time.
The old adage "once bitten twice shy" simply did not apply to Mr Ali Khan.
According to local press reports, he had his first altercation with a king cobra 27 years ago.
So when, on Tuesday, one of his subjects inflicted what was just the latest of many bites, he had not been unduly worried.
However, two days later, his condition worsened suddenly and his family rushed him to hospital. He died before he could receive treatment.
Ali Khan Samsudin found fame in the early 1990s when he lived for 12 hours a day for 40 days in a small room with 400 cobras.
That earned him the title of Snake King.
In 1997, he acquired another record - Scorpion King - after shutting himself in a box with 6,000 of the creatures for three weeks.
He was reportedly bitten 99 times in his life.
He leaves two wives, five children and a protege known as the Scorpion Queen, who he trained for her own record-breaking stunt two years ago.

All in the name of entertainment? How far can you go to make ends meet?